Comfortable
by LyricalKris
Summary: Jasper Whitlock never thought to question his sexuality. He probably should have. Well - no time like the present. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Some people told me I should try drabbling - fun, they call it.**

**I call it frustrating; rules and strict word counts have never been my forte. But hey, no one is good at everything. I tried and I failed. So I suppose this is a short chapter story. The chapters are short (SOME of them are actual drabbles! How exciting).**

**Disclaimer: This story is on a website named fanfiction. I am a fan of the fiction story Twilight, and these characters are not mine. The story is hardly mine - most of this happened (is happening) to my roommate. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent...and make it Twilight fanfiction. Bwahhahah.  
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><p>Maria had to call his name several times to get his attention.<p>

"Hmmm?" Jasper inquired, highly distracted by his new toy, a Motorola Xoom he'd purchased just a few days before.

Maria sighed, exasperated. "I said I got one of those free passes to a movie screening tonight. The James McAvoy film that's supposed to come out in a few months? I gave them our names. We should leave now if we want to get decent seats."

Jasper grimaced, finally looking up from the tablet. "Why did you do that? I have plans tonight."

His girlfriend's smile fell. "Break them. Babe - this is James McAvoy."

"Yeah, well, as dreamy as his eyes are..." He flashed her a cheeky smirk that typically disarmed her. "I promised Edward and Bella I'd babysit so they can get out for a change."

"How nice for them," Maria said, her voice wry. She sat at the table next to him. "Meanwhile, we haven't been out alone for months and we have no baby."

He knew without looking that her expression would be expectant. She wanted an apology, a promise for a night out. And she was right - it had been a long time.

"I'll be back late," he said instead. "Call Lucy. She nearly swooned when you two were watching... what was that sappy chick flick? Becoming Jane, or whatever?" He chuckled, gathering up his new toy. Stooping, he kissed her quickly on the cheek and strode toward the door before she could protest.

Funnily enough, Jasper didn't feel guilty.

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><p><strong>AN: I don't know the posting schedule on this. I'm thinking at least twice a day, but as we've already discovered, Kris is not good with rules. So we'll see.**

**Fast and loose. That's how I play it!**

**Just so there's no question - this story will lead to slash. **


	2. Nonsense

Several days later, Jasper descended the steps from Maria's apartment with heavy, angry footfalls. Grumbling to himself, he fished his phone out of his pocket.

Fighting with his girlfriend made him restless. He didn't want to go home yet. He certainly wasn't going to go back up and apologize. Instead, he dialed Bella. "Hey Sugar. Are you busy?"

A few minutes later he was on the couch in his best friend's living room, watching her little daughter play on the floor in front of him. A smile played at his lips as he watched the little girl gnaw on a plastic block.

Bella sighed as she sat down next to him. "You know what I have to say about the situation. You and Maria have never made any sense to me."

"You never think I make sense with any of the girls I've been with," Jasper muttered tiredly.

"Why do think that is? You're laid back and relaxed, Maria is uptight and abrasive." She ticked off her fingers. "McKenna was way too flighty for you. Victoria is in prison now. Jessica-"

"Okay, I get it," Jasper said, waving a hand and fighting a scowl.

Bella studied him intently. "Sometimes I wonder if that's why you go out with those girls."

Jasper looked up, confused.

"If you don't fit, you'll have to end things eventually. You always do," she concluded.

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><p><strong>AN: Bear with me, my friends. Maria will be gone soon enough. Promise.**


	3. In My Own Skin

**A/N: Okay, you get one more tonight…but only because I want to get through the non-slash chapters quickly. Heh**

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><p>"Hey Babe," Jasper answered the phone, driving home from work. "How was your day?"<p>

He listened idly as Maria spoke of depositions and uncooperative clients, most of his brain occupied with wondering if the joystick he'd ordered to go with his Xoom had arrived yet. He tuned back in at just the right time. "...are you up to tonight?"

He sighed. "I've been putting Eric off for long enough. I'm going bar hopping with him tonight."

"But how ever will you fight off all those boys?" Maria laughed.

"Not gay bars. He promised," Jasper answered.

He hadn't seen his old friend from high school - Eric Yorkie - in many years. The age of computers meant they kept in touch but they lived far enough away from each other that they didn't hang out.

In the past, Jasper had been glad of this fact. Very shortly after high school, Eric had come out of the closet. Jasper didn't consider himself homophobic, it was just that Eric became very flamboyant. The inflection of his voice irritated Jasper in the same way the valley girl accent grated on him.

When he was out with his friends, Eric was also very different. It felt to Jasper like he was overcompensating.

"I was overcompensating," Eric laughed later that evening when Jasper observed that he was much changed. "It's not easy, you know? I wasn't comfortable with myself and I didn't know if there were rules. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere - not with you straight people," he waggled his eyebrows at Jasper comically, "and not with my very new, very gay friends."

He shrugged. "But somewhere along the line, it just got too exhausting trying to fit in anywhere. I'm me. I'm Eric. I love cock and basketball and I have absolutely no fashion sense." He took a long drink of his mojito, a smile playing at his lips. "Now, I'm comfortable in my own skin, and I'm happy."


	4. What's Fair

"See the difference?" Jasper asked, pointing to the flatscreen. "Babe, you have an HDTV. Watching regular channels when you have this - it's just uncivilized."

"Hmmm," Maria hummed, her head on his shoulder. She didn't care. Rolling his eyes, Jasper wrapped an arm around her and held her body against his.

It was pleasant until he looked down, realizing she was flipping through a real estate book displaying all the homes for sale in the area. He frowned.

Maria had been dropping hints for a while now. She tentatively spoke of the 'distant' future, when they would be married. She wanted the house with the 2.5 kids and a dog in the yard. They'd been together for a year and a half - she had a right to dream of those things with him.

As he watched her and the faraway, dreamy smile that played on her lips, he knew he had to be honest with himself and fair to her. He loved the woman - she was strong, ambitious, witty. He loved being with her -she was fun. But when he looked at the future, he couldn't imagine happily ever after. When he really made himself examine his feelings, there was no depth to the emotion that tied him to her.

She deserved more than that.

Even though nothing was technically wrong - he was far from unhappy in the relationship - it couldn't be fair for them not to be on the same page. Since he'd spoken to Bella a few days before, the idea that maybe, just maybe, he had a problem with commitment bothered him. But he couldn't hold on to Maria just to make himself feel better.

Flipping the TV off reluctantly, he shifted them so they were face to face. "We need to talk."

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><p><strong>AN: So, I'm thinking 4 updates today because that will get us through the non-slashy chapters. What say you?**

**Thank you so much for your response to this story. I'm going to be going through reviews this weekend when I have a little time. Until then - enjoy!**


	5. Sad Face

It didn't matter the circumstances, break ups sucked.

They left him sleepless and mildly depressed, wondering if there was something wrong with him.

Wondering if he was meant to be alone.


	6. Moving On

**A/N: Bear with me folks. I promise she won't be around long. Heh.**

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><p>Bella let him mope for a few weeks before she took action. It took her another two weeks to convince him to let her set him up. He had so many excuses.<p>

Maybe he was better off being alone for a while - let him figure himself out. It had just struck him hard that he was 28 years old. Not that he was ancient, but while he always figured that a wife and kids were somewhere on his horizon. Before, it had felt like he had plenty of time. A decade of dating had passed, and he couldn't imagine settling down with any of the women he'd been with.

Did he have a fear of commitment?

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Bella groused. "Alice is getting over some really messed up bullshit. I'm not telling you to marry the girl. You could both use a night out, that's all."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Fine."


	7. Alice

**A/N: Get through this one and there will be oodles of goodies for you tomorrow. You guys are amazing.**

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><p>Alice was amazing.<p>

Fresh out of a relationship with a controlling, mind-fucking asshole named Felix, it was immediately obvious to Jasper what she needed. She needed to know that she was beautiful and perfect just the way she was.

He informed her of such as often as possible.

And the girl did wonders for his self-esteem, detailing each and every enthralling piece of him.

There were, according to her, a lot.

Best of all, like Jasper, she wasn't ready to think about another relationship. They filled a need in each other, trading compliments between the bed sheets. And on the table. And while he pushed her forward over the arm of the couch. And once in the movie theater.

Hey, that movie sucked anyway.

"You kiss better than anyone I've ever kissed. Ever," he told her breathlessly, and the way she grinned, her face lighting up, made him feel happy.

Sometimes, when she fell asleep in his arms, Jasper wondered why he didn't want this forever. Alice was, in so many ways, perfect for him. Still, the idea that he would have to let her go didn't bother him at all.


	8. Shotgun

**A/N: Okay. Before we start down this path, I want to remind you that this is a journey. Keep an open mind, because the road isn't always clear or easy.**

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><p>Alice helped. Still, though his self esteem was back in place and he didn't feel so wrong, Jasper still felt… off.<p>

In his college years, Jasper had seen Edward in the throes of depression, so he knew enough to call his own fits of melancholy that. He frowned, hating the way it sometimes seeped his energy and made him, like his friend years ago, morose.

Determined to rid himself of this mental weight before it could become a full blown depressive episode, Jasper filled as many of his evenings and weekends as possible.

That was how he ended up at Mike Newton's house. He and Mike had long been gaming buddies - meeting online during long weekends spent playing Halo. They'd never met in person despite living only two miles apart.

Mike, as it turned out, was a pot head.

Jasper had never smoked pot. Not that he was adamantly against it - he certainly wasn't. He just hadn't done it before.

Sensing his curiosity, Mike offered what he called a shotgun.

"Chill out, man," Mike admonished when Jasper pulled back, uncomfortable by how close his friend was getting to his lips. "Just stay still and relax. It's all good."

So Jasper closed his eyes, breathing deep. Seconds later, Mike's lips were brushing lightly against his as he blew the sweet smelling smoke into his mouth. Jasper inhaled, keeping absolutely still as he gauged the effect of the drug.

He was so absorbed in the experience, that Jasper hardly noticed his lips were still against Mike's. He didn't notice until their lips were moving. Together. Hard. Insistent.

Mike laughed, the sound closer to a giggle than anything, as they parted, and he slumped down in his seat, completely at ease. Jasper was still sitting up ramrod straight, more than a little out of sorts.

But... Mike was acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Like it was absolutely normal to kiss your random guy friend.

And Mike had a girlfriend.

Jasper slumped down in his seat, picking up the X-Box remote numbly. His head was buzzing but... It hadn't felt wrong.

So he wasn't going to sweat it.


	9. A Beginning

**A/N: I told you not to assume! *tsks***

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><p>It was the weed - a weird side effect he hadn't heard of - Jasper was almost sure of it.<p>

He wasn't attracted to Mike - not remotely.

Here was another thing he couldn't deny. Alice was the best kisser he'd known in his life, and he was very attracted to her, as he had been attracted to every woman he'd slept with in the decade and two bits he'd been sexually active.

But... as fantastic as her kisses were, he had never felt anything as intense, as sweet, as... right, as he'd felt kissing Mike.

He wasn't attracted to Mike at all, felt no pull toward him.

What did it mean?


	10. Secret

"It doesn't have to mean anything," he insisted to Bella when he finally confessed the incident to her.

"Do you want to do it again?"

Jasper rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah," he admitted.

Bella's eyes went wide and she tilted her head. "Jasper... do you think... maybe... you could be gay?" she asked softly.

"Aw, hell, Bella," Jasper muttered. "I don't know. Maybe it's just a phase. People go through that, right?"

"In college when you're away from your parents and anyone's rules for the first time? Yeah."

"I kissed Edward in college," Jasper muttered distractedly. Not that he remembered it. Edward's older brother, who'd bought the beers for them, never hesitated to remind them of it. In great, sloppy detail.

"Whoa. Hey!" Edward said, happening to cross through the living room at just the right time. "We were drunk. We've established that."

Jasper smirked at his friend.

Bella's eyes were about to pop out of her head. She looked between Edward and Jasper, her cheeks flushing. "That's hot."


	11. What's Next

There had to be something to the fact that his kiss with Mike had more spark, more electricity than any of the girls he'd been with ever.

But maybe it was just the weed.

But maybe it wasn't.

But what if it was just the depression - just needing to do something different. Something to shake things up a bit. People did that, right?

But maybe it wasn't that.

He needed to kiss another guy - just to check - and Edward was not being cooperative.

How did one go about these things?

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><p>"Jasper... what if you <em>are<em>gay?"

Jasper leaned back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. After a long moment he shrugged at his friend without looking at her. "Then...that's the way it is."

**A/N: Shenanigans abound tomorrow. **


	12. Mistake

**A/N: Remember, as we continue, that this is a journey. There are going to be stops and pitfalls and we don't know what (or who) is on the other end.**

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><p>In retrospect, Jasper didn't know why he went to Paul. Eric would have been his first choice had he not talked most of that night, several weeks ago, about his overly possessive, hot headed boyfriend. Jasper didn't want to get in the middle of all that.<p>

Paul had always been a little aggressive, even when Jasper was 110% certain that he was straight. They met when Jasper played basketball in college. Despite his discomfort, Jasper had sought him out because it couldn't be denied that the boy was ridiculously good at the game. He was a good coach, driving Jasper hard.

They still got together for pickup games and, inevitably, Paul would find a reason to throw an arm around him.

"Is that not hot?" He would ask, nodding at the other players. He would make a low growling noise, looking over at muscles confined only by tank tops - or nothing at all - glistening with sweat. He would sniff Jasper's neck. "That smell - that's what a man smells like. Makes you want to just grab them and have them."

"Well," Jasper would say easily, unwinding Paul's arm from around him and shoving him firmly away. "You have fun with that."

Always, Paul laughed, nudging him in the shoulder. "Sorry, man. Working up a sweat really brings out the animal in me."

So why Jasper expected Paul to do anything but what he did, he didn't know.

As they sat together on a park bench, cooling off after an exhausting game of one on one, Jasper nonchalantly relayed the incident with Mike.

"Fucking finally." Paul rumbled, putting his hand at the back of Jasper's neck and pulling the blond man toward him.

Jasper stiffened in surprise, his body automatically tensing, wanting to shove Paul away. Paul kissed the same way he played - like he was the king of the court. His lips were rough, his tongue demanding, and at first, Jasper had to swallow the shocked whimper that threatened.

This was what he wanted, he reminded himself. And as much as he didn't particularly care to be assaulted, it also wasn't revolting. Surely there were just as many bad male kissers as he'd encountered kissing women.

Besides, he was competitive and he wasn't going to be conquered by anyone - on court or off.

But then, Paul's hands were everywhere - clawing at his chest, tugging on his hair, drifting down to-

"Hey!" Jasper cried, pushing Paul away roughly. He was breathing hard, trying to ground himself. Was the impulse he felt to punch Paul in the face just an ingrained, macho reaction? Or did he have a right to feel violated?

Jasper shook his head to clear it. Whatever the case, he wasn't ready for second base. He hadn't really been ready for first base.

Paul grinned lasciviously. "Don't worry, there's no one around. You don't have to pretend you don't like it."

When he reached for him again, Jasper quickly stood. "I'm not..." He swallowed thickly. "That's not what I want."

The other man let out a short bark of laughter. "Twinkie, how do you know you don't like it unless you've tried?"

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><p><strong>AN:Just a quick note to let you know - all of your reviews are so lovely. I'm trying to get through them. Thank you so much for your response. **


	13. Sauce for the Goose

**A/N: For the record, I don't think Paul is a bad guy. He's just aggressive. Maybe, down the line, Jasper would have appreciated a rough hand. ;)**

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><p>"What a prick!" Bella said, disgusted. "See, this just goes to show you, Jake has the worst taste in men. He and Paul dated back in college."<p>

Jasper snorted. "Sugar, you were the one who always told me to take his flirting as a compliment, remember?"

"Well, sure," Bella shrugged. "Someone finding you attractive enough to flirt with you is a compliment no matter what sexual orientation you are. When they turn into handsy assholes, that's a whole other story." She patted his hand soothingly. "We just have to find you a nice guy."

"Hey, Bella?" Edward interjected, his look curious. "Have you ever been hit on by a girl?"

Bella arced an eyebrow at him, smirking mischievously. "Wouldn't you like to know."

"That is why I asked," Edward answered easily.

"Dude, I can tell you right now that Bella isn't going to agree to a threeway," Jasper quipped.

"That's not what I was after. It's just that it poses a problem."

"A problem?" Bella repeated.

Edward nodded. "Threatening a woman is still frowned upon, even if she's hitting on my woman."


	14. Good Advice

**A/N: There seemed to be some confusion about the last chapter. 1) Edward and Bella have a child together, so they are, in fact, together. 2) What Edward said at the end of last chapter was because it occurred to him if guys hit on Jasper when he was straight (so to speak), girls might hit on Bella. And you know Edward - if a guy hit on Bella, he would be all RAWR. What makes you think it would be different if a girl hit on her? It was mean to be humorous - nothing more. **

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><p>"Uh, I have two words for you, Jasper. Gay. Bar."<p>

Jasper had finally given in and called Eric for help. He was already regretting it. "Right, and subject myself to drunken kisses?" He shook his head though Eric couldn't see him. "No, thank you."

Eric laughed. "Oh, honey. Drunken kisses are the least of your worries in some of those places. Pretty boy like you..."

"Concentrate, darl'," Jasper said, amused.

"Alright, alright," Eric agreed. "Seriously, though, your best bet is to take a chance on the dating circuit just like anyone else. Sure, you're going to get some duds, but the studs..." He whistled. "They make it worth your while." He gave a giddy sounding chuckle.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing," Eric answered. "It's really nothing. It's just... it's an adventure, you know? Discovering a whole world you maybe only wondered about... maybe not." He sighed. "I'm in love, and I'm happy, but sometimes I miss the ride. So to speak."


	15. The Ride

The ride, Eric called it.

Well - it was something alright.

There was James. His guyliner was ... captivating to say the least. Jasper couldn't quite decide if he loved it or hated it.

One thing he knew for sure.

James was a prick.

After him was Marcus. Marcus was horrendously dull. The only impressive quality he seemed to possess was the ability to not change expressions. At all.

Then there was Demetri.

Demetri was amazing.

Especially if you asked him.

Since they had gaming in common, Demetri invited him over to play and had spent all of the previous four hours detailing all the things that made him amazing. Everything he'd bought recently. The trips he'd taken. Everything he planned to buy.

"I deserve the best," Demetri said, chuckling as he reached over, running a finger across Jasper's chin. "The most... beautiful."

Jasper did his best not to cringe. He wondered if this guy thought it was good to make other people feel like possessions to be obtained. Mounted on the wall.

Though, that could be hot in other circumstances.

This date could not end fast enough.

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><p><strong>AN: That's it for tonight, my lovelies. Tomorrow...well...tomorrow will be an interesting day for me. And Jasper...well..you'll see.**


	16. Fantasy

**A/N: A special chapter just for jfka06 though I suspect a bunch of you might enjoy it too.**

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><p>Lately, Jasper had been thinking a lot about that one kiss he shared with Edward in college.<p>

His memory of that kiss was not concrete, but sometimes, he dreamed of it. Before, he'd always dismissed the periodic dream as a synapse firing in his brain as he slept. He'd heard a theory that every second of every day a person lived was stored in their brain somewhere and another theory that dreams were just that - portions of memories combining and reacting like chemicals in a lab.

Now he wondered if it was his subconscious trying to push him in the right direction. If he'd been sober for that kiss, would he have discovered then what he was figuring out now? Instead of cutting his losses early, he'd put in 12 years of dating and relationship experience only to find he'd been studying the wrong field all along.

His brain, when he slept, supplied him with an alternate version of that night - the what could have happened. In his dreams, Edward's brother was not present, but the beers he'd bought were, leaving Edward and Jasper alone on the couch. Jasper felt that level of relaxation only achievable with alcohol- his body warm and pleasantly sluggish. The room buzzed and his thoughts blurred around the edges, leaving no sharp corners to stick to his consciousness.

He hadn't a care in the world.

Approaching euphoria, Jasper turned his head and was instantly struck by how pretty his roommate's eyes were. Such a vibrant shade of green set into a really pleasing shape. He'd often thought that Edward's eyes were just so pretty, but he always batted those errant thoughts away.

Now, though, the thought rattled around in his head for only a moment before he blurted it out. And Edward grinned.

His grin was pretty, too. So pretty. What a wonderful and bewitching smile Edward had. And Jasper might have leaned a little too close to get a good look - double checking. - because suddenly, his friend's face was so close to his, he couldn't see anything but his eyes.

Jasper waited, but Edward didn't pull back. He sat absolutely still, his breath stuttering out a scratchy rhythm like a record skipping, but he melted just slightly when Jasper kissed him.

They were sweet kisses, soft kisses between small gasps. Neither of them could breathe - Jasper knew his heart was thundering right out of his chest - but that didn't stop them from coming back for more when they'd had just enough air to survive.

Jasper woke up, sitting bolt upright in his bed, gasping for air. He looked around, confused about why Edward wasn't there for a moment before he remembered his own reality.

It wasn't that he was attracted to his friend. Edward was attractive - no one could argue that point - but in his presence, Jasper had no longing feelings. It was just that Edward would be an ideal solution, if it were possible. He was safe - patient and gentle. Bella had told him more than once that Edward was a good lover, not only because he knew what he was doing but because he was keenly aware, every second, of what she was feeling.

That's what he needed. Someone _like_Edward. Someone who would understand that Jasper didn't know how he wanted to be touched - or if anything but kisses would feel right with a man.

Jasper fell back to sleep, plagued with visions of gorgeous green eyes.

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><p><strong>AN: Good day, my friends. So... like I said, today's going to be an interesting day. Keep an open mind and I'll see you again soon. **


	17. Green Eyes

"Have you tried, I don't know, actually communicating what's going on with you?" Bella asked.

"Right," Jasper snorted, rolling his eyes. "Because a man who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing is as attractive to men as it is to women."

"What's the difference, Jasper? If a guy can't deal with what you need, you're just wasting your time and his."

Scowling, Jasper crossed his arms and hunkered down on the couch. "It's not that simple," he muttered, knowing full well he was being petulant.

"Dealing with you is worse than dealing with my daughter sometimes. The difference is she has an excuse - her thoughts are not concrete," Bella huffed. "I don't know what you expect. These guys aren't mind readers. They don't know your situation. Do you think one of them is going to walk in and be exactly what you need?"

Jasper was about to argue when the door opened. Edward was back with his daughter, his brother, and his nephew in tow. But Jasper didn't really see his friend or the two children. And he didn't really hear the rest of Bella's lecture.

No.

He was captivated.

Completely frozen and held in place as surely as someone had tied him to his seat.

The rest o the world had fallen into the background save for one - well - two things. Green eyes. Gorgeous, soft, kind green eyes.

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><p><strong>AN: Soooo... Guesses? Hopes? ... Dreads?**


	18. Awkward

**A/N: Early posting because oh, boy... let's put a kibosh on this right now. Jasper and Edward are NOT going to happen in this fic - I PROMISE. Jasper would never TRY to break up his best friends' relationship. Edward is very happy with his Bella and his baby. Okay? Okay.**

Of course, Jasper had met Edward's brother many times before. It's just that the man was twelve years older than they were. Edward's parents had died in a car accident when he was just three, and he looked up to his brother as more of a surrogate father than anything. Though he had his cool moments – like buying his underage brother and his friend beer so they could learn their limits in his safe hands – Carlisle Cullen had always seemed more parent than peer.

Which was why, when their eyes met across the room for the first time in several years, Jasper was shocked to feel the unmistakable spark of attraction. While everything else seemed to be changing, attraction felt the same as it always had and he could not deny it existed.

At dinner, when he knocked over the salt in a series of blundering mishaps, Edward finally asked, "Do you need a chill pill?"

"Why?" Jasper muttered. "Do you have one?" Where were Mike and his weed when they were needed?

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Jasper laughed wryly, trying not to notice that Carlisle was looking at him and failing. To make matters worse, he was doing that thing that Edward did to Bella – looking up from underneath his long, long eyelashes. It must have been a Cullen thing. Except, unlike Edward, Carlisle was looking at him.

Jasper knew well and truly that Carlisle preferred the sexual company of men. That whole debacle had caused quite a bit of drama about six years before when Carlisle had split from his wife.

"You chill, Uncle Edward," Emmett, Carlisle's 12 year old son, piped in, a cheeky grin ever-present on his face. "Jasper and Dad are just making eyes."

"Emmett," Carlisle warned, but the effect was immediate. Bella dropped her fork, Carlisle turned bright red and Edward's head snapped to look at Jasper so quickly, the crack was audible.

"I'm going to… yeah," Jasper said, standing and striding out the back door.

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><p><strong>AN: To those of you who, like me, have a problem with seeing Carlisle as a sexual being – BELIEVE ME. NO ONE has to struggle to keep a more open mind than I do. To those of you who know me… Holy hell, I'm never living this down am I? **

**Again, my mantra - this is a journey. Keep an open mind about the destination.  
><strong>

**Here we go…**


	19. Confession

Jasper didn't go very far. He wasn't about to do anything as dramatic as leaving after that awkward debacle. He just needed to be out in the fresh, cold air for a few minutes.

A few minutes quickly turned into five. Then ten.

He wondered who would come out first. Would it be Bella? Bella was the best option because she would let him talk through whatever ridiculous type of attraction this was. She always saw things clearer than he did when he was in the midst of it. But if Edward came out, well... there was a chance he would be pissed.

Jasper rubbed a hand over his eyes.

Finally, the backdoor opened. Near silent footfalls made their way to where Jasper was sitting on the bench on the porch. He didn't have to look up to know it was Carlisle; he felt the air suddenly grow static - alive and clingy. As the older man sat down next to him, though their bodies were separated by several inches, his nearness made Jasper's head spin.

"Can I tell you something? A secret?" Carlisle asked, his tone soft and even.

Jasper gestured that he should continue, still staring down studiously at his shoes.

"That night, when I bought you and Edward beer? You remember?" He waited for Jasper to nod before he continued. "Well. When you got drunk and you kissed him... I was jealous. Completely, outrageously jealous."

Jasper's head snapped up and Carlisle gave a light chuckle, looking at his hands. For long moments, the younger man struggled, not knowing what he was supposed to do in this particular situation.

"You don't have say anything," Carlisle said after a moment. "It was one of many signs I should have heeded. But I had a three year old son and a wife I adored - whom I still adore." He shook his head. "Sometimes the best path is the one most overgrown, I suppose."

He stood and stepped a pace away from the bench. Jasper's voice caught in his throat, wanting to call him back but too confused and tangled for the moment. Even without prompting, Carlisle hesitated. He pivoted slightly and reached out, brushing Jasper's cheek with tentative fingers.

"It doesn't mean I want anything. I just thought you should know," Carlisle said, his voice more gravely than smooth for once. "I've always thought you were beautiful."

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><p><strong>AN: Apparently, most of you do NOT have the same aversion I do. LOL. Yes, yes, I know. Carlisle's hot. He's also… idk… ultimate dad to me. I'd seriously rather see my parents have sex than acknowledge that Carlisle even THINKS about sex.**

**But don't you worry. I'm overcoming that barrier for you.**

**And I think you spoiled ducks get a FIFTH update tonight because you treat me so nice. Omaigoodness, you must check out the banner TKegl made for me. It is SO gorgeous. Viewable for the time being at lyricalkris . tumblr . com … until I can get home and put it somewhere safe. **


	20. Trust

**A/N: Y'all can keep telling me why Carlisle is hot and it's still not going to change my mind. Thinking about Daddy C and his throbbing member is just… Blargh.**

**But, fear not. I shall brave my queasy stomach for you.**

* * *

><p>The rest of the evening was tense.<p>

Everyone was doing their best to pretend nothing was happening, but to say there was an elephant in the room was an understatement. There was an elephant parade in the house and Jasper wasn't near drunk.

Bella chattered much more than was usual, filling the silence. Carlisle concentrated on pretending to be horrified when Emmett hustled Edward at cards. And Edward...

Well, if Jasper looked up, he was sure Edward would be casting sidelong glances in his direction. It didn't escape his notice that his friend never left them alone. It couldn't have been an accident.

When Jasper was finally making his goodbyes, Edward offered to walk him out to his car.

"I think you need to put the baby to bed," Bella said, her tone implying that it wasn't a suggestion.

"But -" Edward started only to come sputtering to a stop when Bella crossed her arms.

She leaned in, dropping her voice so Jasper only barely heard what she hissed. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you let them talk. Put your daughter to bed."

Grimacing, Edward grudgingly acquiesced and pulled their baby up into his arms. He gave Jasper one hard look over his daughter's head before he left the room.

Huffing and rolling her eyes, Bella put on a smile before she walked over to Emmett. "Come on, Em," she said, putting her arm lightly around his shoulder. "Help me get the air mattress inflated."

Emmett looked at her dubiously. "You don't have to get me out of the room if Dad wants to mack on Jasper. I'm okay with it."

"Emm. Ett," Carlisle warned through clenched teeth.

"Whatever," Emmett said, getting up. "Sure, I'll help you with the bed. That inflate button can be really hard to push..."

Jasper couldn't help but laugh, though he held it in until Emmett was out of earshot. "That one must be a challenge."

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "Oh, Emmett? No, he's easy. He makes me want to throttle him on a daily basis but other than that..." He shook his head ruefully. "Can I walk you to your car?"

"Please," Jasper murmured.

They walked in silence through the house and down the walkway, Jasper running his hands fitfully over his jeans. He'd never been so ridiculously nervous in all his life.

As they got to his car, Jasper paused. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Could he only be smooth, charming, and charismatic when he was hitting on women? But no...he'd been considerably charming on his dates with James, Marcus, and Demetri. So why, with Carlisle, was he suddenly a stuttering schoolboy?

He wondered briefly if it was because Carlisle had known him as a stuttering schoolboy before he huffed and pushed that line of thinking aside. "Carlisle," he said finally, still staring mostly down at his shoes. "I... I don't have any idea what the fuck I'm doing. And I know... it's probably unfair to ask you... I mean... I don't know that I can promise I'll be able to... or..." Jasper growled, completely frustrated with himself.

Carlisle took a careful step forward and put his hand on Jasper's shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Do you remember why I agreed to buy two 19 year old boys beer?"

Jasper smirked and finally looked up, finding Carlisle's green eyes gentle and smiling. "You said you wanted us to know how to be safe before we stumbled into something we couldn't handle out in the world."

"That's right." He smiled, brushing his thumb briefly under Jasper's chin. "Believe me, I know what it's like to be in your shoes. As men, it's hard to reconcile the... vulnerability of trusting your body to another." The look in his eyes then was utterly sincere - full with the compassion and honest concern Jasper had always associated with Carlisle. "You can trust me."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Tomorrow...my friends... tomorrow... I may die. **


	21. Green Eyed Monster

**A/N: Oh, enjoy today if you must but just know… for every chapter that you get today, a little bit of my soul died. I mean… now when the argument comes up on twitter and I try to say that Carlisle is a eunuch who never thinks about sex and all of his children are delivered via stork… it holds a little less water, you know?**

* * *

><p>Since Carlisle lived in Forks and Jasper lived in Seattle, it was a week before they could get together. They filled that week with near constant phone calls and text messages, finding out a little more about each other.<p>

"Mike and Paul are the only men you've kissed? Besides my brother, that is..."

"Are you ever going to get over that?

"It's been nine years and I haven't yet," Carlisle pointed out.

"Hmmm," Jasper murmured, suddenly glad they weren't face to face. The fact Carlisle couldn't see his blush gave him a much needed bravado. "You won't be jealous for much longer. When I kiss you I'll be sober, and I'm sure I'll remember every second." He was amazed he could keep his voice so steady.

Carlisle's breath on the other end of the phone was shaky, and Jasper found himself pleased that he could get such a reaction out of the older man.

He heard Carlisle swallow hard before he spoke again. "You're very good at distraction, but you didn't answer the question."

Jasper laughed lightly. "I kissed James. You know - under other circumstances, I mean if I was used to all this, I would have had a great time fucking that cocky smirk off his face."

"Watch that mouth," Carlisle groaned. "My self control isn't perfect. You keep that up and I'm going to have trouble not attacking you."

The comment - spoken with an edge of threat - went straight to Jasper's cock, making him stifle a groan of his own. Even those simple words - only remotely dirty - were so... illicit coming from Carlisle's mouth.

Friday could not come soon enough.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm going to go take a shower... you know, cuz I just rolled out of bed and I need to get ready for work. Among other things.**

**PS - I love you all! **


	22. The First Taste Pt 1

**A/N: *breathing into paper bag***

* * *

><p>"Let's be clear on one thing," Carlisle said, his hands on either of Jasper's shoulders, holding him at bay.<p>

Jasper's voice whined in the back of throat as he caught his protest before it could leave his mouth. He was bordering on desperate to kiss the other man. It really wasn't his fault. The constant phone calls and teasing texts were their own brand of foreplay.

Carlisle gave a huff of laughter, bringing one hand to rest on Jasper's cheek tenderly. "You and I both know what this is. You're safe with me, and that means you can talk to me. I _expect _you to talk to me. Not just if you have a question or if you're feeling uncomfortable, but if this," he gestured between the two of them, "changes for you. It's imperative that we're on the same page." His lips twitched slightly as he looked into Jasper's eyes. "Do you understand? Do you agree?"

He'd have agreed to do circus acts if it earned him a kiss.

Chuffing, Jasper forced himself to take a breath. He hadn't been this out of control of his emotions and nervous as an elephant on ball bearings since he was a high school kid.

Then again, this was like starting over.

Jasper licked his lips. "Yes," he said, the word barely a whisper.

The older man smiled. "Good," he murmured, his hand cupping Jasper's cheek and tilting his face slightly. Jasper held his breath, his entire body coiled tight with anticipation.

At first, Carlisle's lips barely brushed his, the motion so light Jasper could have imagined it. Breath hung between them and Jasper relaxed minutely, pressing his lips tentatively against the other man's. His mouth turning up in a smile, Carlisle took control of the kiss, pulling the younger man's upper lip between his as his hand drifted down to Jasper's neck.

With a low moan, the last of Jasper's tension gave away and his hands went to Carlisle's hips. It was surprisingly easy to leave behind the worries that had plagued him - if they were both men, who would hold who, who began the kiss, who ended it? It all faded into the background leaving only the delicious sensation - like kinetic energy that buzzed beneath his skin, in his blood. Carlisle's hand was firm on his back, pushing him closer, pressing him forward until their bodies were aligned.

It was different. Women were so slight and soft where Carlisle's presence was broader, the lines of his chest more firmly defined below Jasper's fingers as his hands traveled upward. They both gasped, sucking in greedy breaths of air before their mouths came together again.

Jasper found he could take directions as easily as giving them, and when Carlisle coaxed his lips open, he readily obeyed. Carlisle's tongue moving along his was nothing like Paul's earlier assault on his mouth. No, Carlisle was sensual, moving in a way that stimulated rather than dominated.

By the time they simply needed to breathe, Jasper found he was clinging to Carlisle, his entire body shaking. He was used to being the charmer - always out to make a girl so dizzy she forgot her own name. Yet here he was, barely in the door and already Carlisle had made his thoughts foggy and thick, his pulse reedy.

Swooning. He was swooning.

That couldn't be attractive.

"Holy hell," Jasper rasped. He swallowed hard, licking his lips. "I... Um... Fuck... I... "

He could tell that Carlisle was trying hard not to laugh at him. The older man leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly and tenderly along the bridge of Jasper's nose. Then he took a purposeful step back, making sure Jasper was steady before he let go. "Come on. Maybe we should sit down."


	23. The First Taste Pt 2

**A/N: I am not kidding, dear readers. I would have flounced my own story ages ago. And you're torturing me telling me tales of Carlisle and Edward and Carlisle and Bella and… I CANNOT DEAL, FOLKS. I CANNOT.**

* * *

><p>Jasper was feeling quite a bit calmer about an hour later. His thoughts were no longer spinning crazily, bouncing off the walls of his mind chaotically, but were rather sedate. He was sitting on one end of Carlisle's extraordinarily comfortable couch, drinking a beer and merely talking.<p>

Feeling bold in the space of a heartbeat, Jasper peeled off his shirt, leaving his undershirt on, to show Carlisle the tattoos on his upper arms. Jasper heard the older man suck in a breath, but pressed on in his explanation of each tattoo, ignoring how his cheeks flushed with pleasure.

Carlisle definitely found him sexy.

And it was a greater thrill than he'd ever known.

"I know this symbol," Carlisle murmured, reaching across the couch cushion that separated them to touch the tattoo on Jasper's left bicep. Carlisle traced the pad of his finger lightly over the design – a snake eating its own tail. The light movement was titillating, and Jasper felt his heart begin to thud at a quick gait .

Carlisle's eyes met his, holding him still with the strength of his gaze as he continued to stroke his skin in one continuous circle. He inched closer to Jasper on the couch. "It's a symbol of constant renewal and rebirth, right?" Jasper could barely nod, only vaguely aware that his lips were parted. "Constantly reinventing yourself. How very fitting."

He moved again, leaning in so his nose was nuzzling the side of Jasper's hair, near his ear. "Do you have any other tattoos, Jasper?"

"Yes," Jasper answered, his voice no more than a breath. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Yes," he said more firmly.

"Show me," Carlisle requested against his ear.

Jasper found his hands were trembling as he reached for the hem of his undershirt.

"On second thought," Carlisle said, catching Jasper's hand. "Let me."

The older man pressed a kiss against Jasper's ear, then at his jaw, then at his neck as he repositioned himself. He slid off the couch, his body bumping against Jasper's almost innocently, onto his knees on the floor. Looking up from under his lashes – that dirty Cullen trick – Carlisle held his gaze as he pushed his shirt up.

The tattoo was just above his waistline – a long, intricate tribal piece. "Hmmm," Carlisle murmured, pushing his shirt further up. Then he began to trace the pattern like he had the oroborus before.

Except he did it with his tongue.

Jasper gasped, his hips bucking up off the couch as Carlisle freed one hand to work the button of his pants. Jasper's fingers grasped the couch at first, squeezing the cushions hard.

"Relax," Carlisle urged, and Jasper's body responded. He closed his eyes, the back of his head resting on the back of the couch as the other man released his erection from its confines. He tried to give himself over to feeling, pushing aside the newness and the smallest tinge of fear.

"Jesus," Jasper moaned, the noises coming out of his mouth increasingly more wanton and – if he could be bothered to care – embarrassing. Carlisle knew what he was doing – and holy hell was he good at doing it

Before long, Jasper had buried one hand in the other man's hair, the other caressing his lightly stubbled chin where Carlisle's mouth was wrapped around his cock. Unable to keep his hips from thrusting up once, Jasper pleaded shamelessly.

It was over then, and Carlisle – precise as he was – dutifully cleaned him up and tucked him back in, smirking as he pulled the zipper of his jeans up. For his part, Jasper could only concentrate on catching his breath - he felt so dizzy.

But as Carlisle got up to sit on the couch next to him, Jasper grabbed the front of his shirt and brought him down, kissing him soundly and without even a hint of his previous shyness.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'd like to take this time to thank the people who are holding my hand and holding my hair back. This fic would not be possible without the love and care of barburella, jadedandboring, jfka06 and bmango. I love you all soooooo much.**


	24. Breakfast Treat

**A/N: Thank you for all your suggestions as to how to make this easier on myself. Yes, I agree Peter Facinelli is hot, and he's who I'm picturing as I write this. That doesn't help as, when I type Carlisle, he becomes...Carlisle to me. It's just a mental block. In fact, it bleeds into Peter (which I really try not to do). I was watching Six Feet Under the other day and he's all, "Oh, do you like your nipples played with?" and I was all.. *scandalized gasp* "Carlisle!"**

* * *

><p>That first weekend was mostly about sensation, and as he promised, Carlisle never pushed Jasper too hard.<p>

Because it was a lot to get used to – letting a man touch him the way Carlisle did – Jasper couldn't reciprocate everything just yet. He had yet to see Carlisle naked or touch him under his clothes. Feeling pretty shitty about that, Jasper had crawled out of bed, careful not to wake the other man, early on Saturday morning, intent on scouting the fridge for breakfast.

The fridge was stocked well; of course, Carlisle usually had a growing pre-teen in the house.

Jasper found himself staring at the contents of the fridge for far too long. How did the other man take his eggs? What if he didn't like eggs? Did he prefer bacon or sausage? Carlisle was a doctor… maybe he would think those things were too fattening. But if that was the case, why did he have them in his fridge?

Palming his forehead with a growl, Jasper forced himself to calm down. He was just so eager to do something to show his appreciation since his inhibitions hindered him from expressing his thankfulness physically.

He had settled for veggie omelets with a side of sausage and bacon and was busy cooking it all when arms wrapped around him from behind. "Are you expecting company, Jasper?" Carlisle murmured, his voice gravely against Jasper's ear. "Because, I have to tell you, I'm not interested in sharing."

Jasper chuffed, closing his eyes as he braced himself against the counter. Every sensation, every experience so far that weekend felt so brand new and therefore all the more intense.

Alice used to do this – wrap her arms around him from behind when she stayed over and he made her breakfast. But her arms were tiny as they wrapped around his waist where Carlisle's arms cradled him. Alice would rest her head against Jasper's back, where Carlisle had to duck his head to kiss along Jasper's neck as he was doing. And where all the women who'd kissed him there were smooth, Jasper could feel the other man's scratchy stubble scraping along his skin.

It wasn't uncomfortable – in fact, it made his airway constrict with all the pleasant sensations that coursed through his body – but it was still a little jarring.

And the fact that he could feel Carlisle's hard on as the older man pressed against him was an entirely new experience.

Again, not unpleasant, but not something he quite knew how to deal with.

"I didn't know what you'd like," Jasper admitted, leaning back against Carlisle's chest as he flipped the bacon.

"I'm easy to please," Carlisle said, his hands slipping beneath Jasper's shirt and traveling up his chest.

"I'm going to burn this," Jasper warned breathless, craning his neck back for a kiss.

"Pretty sure I don't care," Carlisle said, and continued kissing him as breakfast sizzled to a fine crisp.


	25. One Good Turn

**A/N: Remember when I said I was going to update twice a day? Yeah.. apparently I'm not good at that. Here's the last update..the end of the filth…for now.**

* * *

><p>It was early on Sunday morning when Jasper woke to the pleasant sensation of someone running their fingers through his hair. He let his eyes open, glad he was facing away from Carlisle so he could continue to play possum. The longer he could pretend to sleep, the longer he had before they would both have to acknowledge it was Sunday, and Emmett would be home by three.<p>

So Jasper let himself enjoy the feeling of Carlisle's fingers running through his hair and down to his shoulders. The bed shifted, and Jasper squirmed slightly when he felt the other man's breath hot on his neck.

"Are you awake?" Carlisle asked, using his leg to spread Jasper's wide.

"No," Jasper answered, the word cutting off into a whimper as Carlisle's arm slunk low around his waist, cupping him through his pants.

"I think you're lying," Carlisle teased, rubbing him slowly.

Jasper turned in his arms, swallowing hard. "I want…"

"Yes?" Carlisle prompted, his fingers now tracing the curve of Jasper's ass over his clothes.

"I want to see you," Jasper blurted, wishing he didn't sound so much like a fresh faced kid. It was just that he'd never seen another man's dick in person before. Oh, sure. There were those glimpses in locker rooms or urinal stalls, but this was a whole different ball game. "All of you," he clarified.

Literally.

Carlisle put a little space between them, studying Jasper's face carefully. He'd repeatedly made it clear that Jasper didn't have to push himself on Carlisle's behalf.

But Jasper was eager. While it was a little frightening and disorienting, like the very first kiss, everything about touching a man – or having a man touch him – was like having the volume turned up on life.

Or having his eyes wide open for the first time.

He must have seen the certainty in Jasper's eyes, because Carlisle took his shirt off then. Wrapping his fingers around Jasper's wrist, he drew his arm forward, placing the young man's hand on his chest.

Jasper took his time, tracing his fingers over the muscles he'd only felt through Carlisle's shirt. For a forty year old man, he was as fit as his much younger brother. And again, the smattering of hair on his chest when Jasper was used to breasts was different.

Carlisle was silent, watching the younger man and running his hand idly up and down Jasper's back. Occasionally, like when Jasper stroked his fingers across Carlisle's ribcage, the older man's breath would shudder, or he would sigh lightly.

"Up," Jasper requested, tugging on the hemline of Carlisle's pants.

Carlisle's breath caught in his throat, but he lifted his lower body off the bed, letting Jasper slide his pants down.

Of all the things Jasper never could have predicted he would do, gripping another man's cock like he was now – Carlisle's length hot and hard in his hands – was on that list. Carlisle moaned, his fingers stilling on Jasper's back as he visibly struggled to stay still.

_Fuck that_, Jasper thought. It was high time someone besides him was squirming.

"Fuck," Carlisle hissed, drawing the word out when Jasper's mouth enveloped his cock. "Fuck!" he cried again as Jasper drew him in. "Jesus. Dive right in why don't you?" he moaned.

Of course, Jasper couldn't answer. He had no idea what the hell he was doing, just taking cues from what he knew he liked. He was sure to take more of Carlisle in slowly, not wanting to gag. He wrapped his hand around the base of the other man's shaft, compensating for what he couldn't get in his mouth.

It seemed to be working well enough.

"Are you," Carlisle spoke between pants, "sure…you haven't… done this?"

Jasper laughed around Carlisle's cock, making the older man moan at the vibrations.

Jasper tried to tell himself it was just that Carlisle had been worked up all weekend, but he couldn't help but feel smug when it took only minutes before he was tugging at Jasper's hair urgently. "I'm going to…going to…"

Taking the hint, Jasper released Carlisle's cock from his mouth with a wet pop, still stroking with his hand. He watched, almost fascinated, as ropes of come painted the other man's stomach as he gasped.

Jasper tore off his own shirt to clean Carlisle up, grinning as he watched his chest rise and fall rapidly.

"You seem pleased with yourself," Carlisle noted.

"That wasn't half bad."

Carlisle smiled, propping himself up on his elbows so he could kiss Jasper. "No," he agreed. "Not half bad. For a newbie."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: PS - drabble my ass... If I don't watch it, these fregging horrendous lemons are going to turn into full chapters. GAWD. **

**PPS - This is gross.**

**PPSS - Y'all are perverted.**

**PPPSS - In one of the episodes of Six Feet Under Peter was in, his character was said to have gotten drunk and sucked a dick. I nearly died.**

**PPPSSS - OMG I WROTE ABOUT CARLISLE'S THROBBING MEMBER... On Bella's birthday... on the day of the last trailer... fuck. THere is a special level of hell reserved for me.**


	26. Spanish Inquisition

"So... are you de-virginized?"

Jasper dropped his fork, looking around the diner self-consciously. "Jeez, Bella."

"What? It's a valid question."

"Whatever happened to privacy?" he groused.

She gave him a look. "You weren't shy before."

With a growl, Jasper relented. "Are you kidding me with this? I was straight two and a half weeks ago. Of course we didn't. I didn't..."

"Oh," Bella looked disappointed.

"What? Were you hoping to live vicariously through me?" he chuffed.

His friend raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"You know," Jasper shrugged, still a little awkward with the words and the concept. "Anal sex," he practically mouthed. "It's the one thing you have no experience with."

Bella's eyes dropped to her plate. "According to who?"

Jasper gaped and then slapped his hand over his eyes. "I did not need that image in my head, thanks."

She snickered. "That's what you get for assuming." She let that hang between them for a moment before speaking again. "It doesn't hurt, you know. Not really."

"It's not the pain," Jasper muttered. "Well... it's not only the pain," he admitted, rolling his eyes.

Bella nodded, accepting that. Then she smiled wickedly. "So... do you need tips on taming your gag reflex?"

"You're enjoying this way too much," Jasper accused.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What? What? You want more Carlisle smut? WELL TOUGH COOKIES.**

***cough***

**You will have to wait until tomorrow...**


	27. I'm Team Edward

"Well, I think it's adorable," Bella said later that night.

"Adorable," Jasper grumbled. "I may be going fruity but I'm still a man."

"Yeah, but you're just so... I don't know, cute about it. It's so anti-drama, it's endearing," Bella said.

"Endearing," Edward mocked. He was sitting with his arms crossed, not looking Jasper in the eye. "Endearing is not the word I'd use for it."

"Edward," Bella said, her voice chiding.

He chuffed. "What? Carlisle may as well be my dad. Would you be okay if Jasper were fucking Charlie?"

Bella frowned at him.

"Edward..." Jasper began, not knowing if he should apologize or snap at his friend.

"No," Edward said, holding a hand out in a placating motion. He pinched the bridge of his nose, thinking a moment before he spoke. "As...disgusting as it is to think about, it's not like I don't know that Carlisle has sex. He hasn't exactly been lonely these last six years. And I mean... as your friend," he looked at Jasper, "I'm glad it's someone like my brother you're ... messing around with. I think... well, I know he's not going to take advantage of you."

"Okay," Jasper said slowly. "Then aside from the creep out factor, what's the problem?"

"I'm just worried. For you. For Carlisle. I know it's all very," he waved his hand, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation, "anti-drama now. But sex turns into something more complicated. Which, fine, if it were a stranger."

Bella got up from the couch then and re-situated herself on Edward's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're over thinking things," she said gently, kissing his chin before resting her cheek against his.

"Maybe someone should," Edward said, but he visibly relaxed as he turned his head tot he side, nuzzling Bella's cheek with his nose.

"Maybe," Jasper allowed. "But right now... I don't want to think." He smirked. "Look at it this way, Edward. It's not like he's going to knock me up, right?"

Edward's eyes shot all the way open. "Man... that's...gross. Thanks for that image."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah, I had to have a little E/B nuzzle to soothe my frazzled nerves, you wanna fight about it? Huh? HUH!**

**Don't worry, I'll make it up to you. No FILTH. *squinty eyes* but there may be some flirty text messages this evening. If you're good.**

**Which, you know, you are. Much puffy heart.**


	28. Play it Cool

**A/N: A lot of you have figured out by now that I'm Bella in the real life version of this story. But yes, Edward's also got my back from time to time. ;) Benefits of being the author, eh?**

* * *

><p>Jasper's life was busy, but there was still more than enough time to lament that Carlisle lived a three hour drive away. Not only that, but because he was trying to tame this ridiculous, puppy-dog urge to know what the other man was doing every hour of the day, Jasper was purposefully stuffing down the urge to text message.<p>

Though, that didn't stop him from double checking to make sure his phone was working properly.

Just in case.

But when his cell chimed that it had a message and Carlisle's name came up, Jasper couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.

_**What are you doing?  
><strong>_  
>Jasper tapped his phone, toying with the idea of teasing the other man. Typically speaking, sexting was a specialty of his.<p>

In the end, though, he opted to keep it casual.

**Just unwinding. You?  
><strong>

_**Trying to sleep. It's not working. The pipes burst at my place and I'm staying over at Esme's...which would be fine except she's having a rather raucous party.**_

Jasper snickered at Carlisle's choice of word and then tapped his lips nervously. Taking a deep breath, he typed a response quickly.

**You could come here. To sleep, I mean. It's quiet.**

His foot bounced restlessly, his body feeling alive and aware with the possibility of what could happen tonight. It took so long for Carlisle to answer, Jasper almost called.

_**Me being at your house wouldn't help with me not sleeping.**_

Biting his lip, Jasper pressed down on his crotch, suddenly desperate for some kind of pressure. Friction.  
><em><strong><br>You're very tempting... but I'm in bed so early because I have a very early shift.**_

Jasper groaned, glad he lived alone so no one could hear his disappointed whimper. Shameful.  
><strong><br>I'll see you Friday?**

_**Count on it.**_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: That's all she wrote for today. Tomorrow... Smut. About 5 updates of it I'm thinking... **

**Sigh.**


	29. Forward

**Me: *explains to Roomie that even when I write Carlisle as a daddy in my other fics, I firmly believe that Esme was impregnated via stork.***

**Roomie: ... By stork, do you mean his dick? ... Also, of all the Twilight men, I actually do think the guy who plays Carlisle is hot. **

**Me: *head desk***

* * *

><p>Friday was a bad day.<p>

Aside from work being hell, his lunch was stolen from the refrigerator, his cell battery died and lastly, on his way to Forks, he got into a minor fender bender.

Needless to say, Jasper was in a foul mood when he finally arrived at Carlisle's house.

The older man had been nothing but gentle, moving slow to Jasper's pace.

Jasper found that he wasn't interested in slow or gentle. Not just then.

The second Carlisle opened the door, Jasper pushed him backward, pressing him quickly against the nearest wall. When Carlisle's arms wrapped around him, his hands strong against his spine, Jasper finally felt the tension of the day ease.

Jasper shifted his hips, seeking the friction that had eluded him all week. Carlisle's moan, crushed against his lips, drove him crazy, and he only ground harder.

"You shouldn't do that," Carlisle chastised, breathing erratically. His hands defied his own words, cupping Jasper's ass and pulling him closer. "It's not..." he dragged his teeth along Jasper's jaw, "conducive to..." he kissed Jasper again, his lips rough - he was as riled up as Jasper had been only moments ago, "going slow." Gripping Jasper's waist, he spun them, switching their positions so it was now Carlisle pressing the younger man up against the wall. His eyes, as they met Jasper's, were dark, almost predatory. "Don't make me forget this is new to you."

Jasper swallowed hard, trying to catch his breath. "What if I don't want to go slow?"

Carlisle blinked. "What do you mean? Be clear."

"I want you to..." Jasper closed his eyes briefly, needing a break from the intensity of Carlisle's gaze to think clearly, to be sure he knew what he was asking. "I want you to take me," he said, his voice surprisingly steady.

He heard Carlisle's breath stutter. For a moment, there was only the sound of their breathing in the quiet house. Then, Carlisle cupped the younger man's face in his hands. "Open your eyes." His voice was soft, but the tone heavy with want, and Jasper shivered as he complied.

"It isn't a foregone conclusion, you know," Carlisle said steadily, his eyes intent on Jasper's. "It's not a necessity."

"I know," Jasper assured.

Carlisle searched his eyes. "It's different... accepting someone into your body," he warned, and waited, like he was giving Jasper time to back pedal. "Tell me you're sure."

Without breaking eye contact, Jasper moved his hands up, stroking the back of the other man's neck. "I'm sure," he said firmly. "It's what I want. And... " His breath caught and his gaze faltered as he fought through the uneasy feeling of vulnerability. "I want it to be you," he admitted finally


	30. Relaxation Techniques

**A/N: Thanks to mycrookedsmile for looking this over as it was a last minute tweak. Mwah!**

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><p>They walked, hand in hand, to the bedroom.<p>

"You're shaking," Carlisle noted quietly.

Jasper chuffed, taking a deep breath. Though he felt very calm about his choice, his body wouldn't cooperate with his desire to maintain a cool exterior. "Body has a mind of its own."

Carlisle hummed sympathetically. "I understand that." Placing his hands at Jasper's waist, he leaned in, kissing him slowly and sweetly. Feeling entirely vulnerable, Jasper wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders, clinging to him much as he had from the first kiss.

Walking him backward until his back was pressed against the wall, Carlisle stroked his hands up and down Jasper's arms as they kissed. He broke their kiss only long enough to pull Jasper's shirt up over his head.

"Tell me what you're worried about," Carlisle murmured against the younger man's lips. As he spoke his hands moved down, his fingers lightly brushing along the waistline of Jasper' jeans, teasing the sensitive skin there.

Jasper's breath shuddered slightly and he leaned his forehead against the older man's. "It's… a lot."

Carlisle's mouth turned up in a cheeky grin. He waggled his eyebrows playfully. "Thank you."

Jasper laughed, the sound breathy and nervous. "Well… there's also that."

"We'll go slowly," Carlisle promised, his fingers undoing the button of Jasper's jeans. He kissed the younger man, running his tongue along his upper lip. Without breaking their kiss, Carlisle pushed Jasper's jeans down along with his boxers, running his hands over the other man's ass before he reached between them, taking Jasper's length in his hands. "I'll take care of you."

As Carlisle worked his hands over Jasper's cock, he pressed little kisses to his lips, and murmured to the younger man about how sexy he found him, how he loved touching him, and kissing him. By the time Jasper came, his body had stopped trembling and the cool touch of fear in his blood stream had been replaced with warmth bordering on fire.

He was ready

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><p><strong>AN: Chyeah...he's ready. Me on the other hand? So not. Because I know you h00rs are gonna be diving face first into the smut, I'll tell this story now. Next chapter? It LITERALLY took four different people holding my hand as I freaked out to write. Lol. So thanks to barburella, jadedandboring, twitina and twanza in advance.**


	31. Home Base

Carlisle guided Jasper down onto the bed until they were both on their sides, Carlisle spooned against his back. Jasper tensed until he realized the older man was merely holding him for the moment. Carlisle wrapped one arm around the younger man's waist, finding his hand and holding it tightly. He used the fingers of his free hand to stroke Jasper's hair away from his ear and neck. Carlisle pressed tiny, sweet kisses to the shell of his ear, down his hairline, at his neck. Slowly, Jasper's erratic breath began to slow.

After a few minutes, Carlisle shifted, letting go of Jasper's hand to reach behind him. Jasper heard the telltale click of a bottle being opened and then Carlisle's finger lightly tapped at his entrance. Jasper bit his lip hard.

"Are you okay?" Carlisle asked tenderly, his finger circling, barely probing.

"Fuck," Jasper hissed, the sensations at his sensitive nerve endings already driving him crazy. He wanted to tell the other man to go faster, that he wanted to take him in now, but most of him was grateful that Carlisle was easing him into it. "I'm good. Babe, I'm so good."

Carlisle's laugh was a light huff of air on the back of Jasper's neck. "That's a fact," he teased, probing his slick finger deeper. "I get myself tested every six months just in case, but I have condoms."

"It's probably not socially conscious...but I want to feel you. If you trust me, then I trust you." It was amazing how certain he was of his words.

Carlisle kissed his neck again, an open mouthed, moist, hot kiss. "I trust you." With his lips still kissing softly along Jasper's hairline, Carlisle reached between then, replacing his finger with his head. He used his legs to widen Jasper's stance, guiding him into a position that was easy on both of them. Slowly, so slowly, he pushed forward.

"Are you okay?" Carlisle asked again, reaching back around to thread his fingers with Jasper's.

"Mmmhmm," Jasper hummed, drowning in sensation. There was pain, but it was no more than the ache of muscles stretching, and it was bearable. So bearable considering the intense pleasure that threatened to steal his breath.

It was good as Carlisle slid deeper into him.

For minutes, it was great, feeling the other man move inside of him.

And then, it was too much. It wasn't pain, but the pleasure of it was bordering on an ecstasy Jasper didn't know how to deal with. It was blinding and frightening. "Stop!" he gasped, his body beginning to shake as he bunched the blankets in his fists. "Stop, stop!"

Instantly, Carlisle stilled and then slid out of Jasper completely, loosening his hold on the younger man's arms.

When he was free, Jasper sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He ducked his head down, waiting for the spinning to stop. "I'm sorry," he choked, not understanding his sudden terror. "I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," Carlisle soothed, coming to sit beside him, stroking his sweat slicked back. "There's nothing to be sorry about. Just catch your breath. You're fine."

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><p><strong>AN: Just to clarify - there's nothing... angsty going on here. It's just an honest reaction... if you get my drift. No trauma. I had a friend once who found herself in the throes of an intense orgasm and burst into tears because she felt like she was dying.**

**Except to me that is.**

**Scarred. For. Life. I just wrote that... GAH!**

**Anyway - don't worry. There are still a couple of treats left today.**


	32. Why is it Called Tossing Salad?

**A/N: I think it should be known that I'm wearing my Team Edward shirt. I don't know why. It makes me feel better**.

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><p>It took a little coaxing, but Carlisle managed to assuage Jasper's shame and inherent guilt. Jasper ran a hand over his eyes as he calmed, trying not to let irritation get the better of him. He rubbed the back of his shoulders restlessly.<p>

"Does your back hurt?"Carlisle asked, still sitting beside him on the bed.

"Mmm, a little. I must have tweaked at some point. I don't know, I was highly distracted," he said, giving the other man a small grin.

Carlisle chuckled. "Lay down."

"You don't have -"

"I told you I'd take care of you. Now, lay down,"Carlisle said firmly.

Sighing, Jasper complied, cradling a pillow in his arms as he laid his head down. "You're bossy.

Carlisle just laughed again, his fingers tracing the line of Jasper's shoulders before he dug them in, working the muscles along Jasper's back and arms. As he did, he began to name off the muscles he was touching.

"You know," Jasper said, moaning and trying not to cringe away when Carlisle hit a particularly painful knot. "It's bizarrely hot when you talk doctor."

"Really?"Carlisle laughed at that. "That is funny, but mostly because speaking clinically to me is the equivalent of chanting baseball statistics, if you catch my drift."

Jasper snickered. "Why, Doctor Cullen. Are you being unprofessional back there?"

"Well, my patients don't usually have such sexy, perfect asses," he rumbled close to Jasper's ear.

Jasper sucked his lower lip into his mouth, biting down hard. He was suddenly very glad he was facing down.

"Hmmm,"Carlisle hummed, the sound curious. "I wonder… Would you be open to me trying something a little less extreme?" he asked, tapping a finger lightly along Jasper's ass so he would understand his intention.

Jasper's breath caught, a fresh wave of nerves making his body tense for a moment. Taking a moment to think past his initial reaction, he nodded. "Yeah. I'll be okay."

Carlisle leaned down, kissing Jasper's shoulder. "If this works, you'll be more than okay. I would tell you all about the nerve endings we have back here, but my mouth will be otherwise occupied."

A shudder of pleasure ran straight down Jasper's spine, finding his cock. He groaned into the pillow, suddenly eager again as Carlisle kissed his way tantalizingly slowly down his body. By the time he pressed a wet, open mouthed kiss to each of Jasper's ass cheeks, the younger man was working hard not to moan. His head was on the pillow, tilted to the side, his pouting lips parted and his eyes closed.

Jasper gasped he felt Carlisle's tongue – warm and wet – run along the slit of his ass. His body tensed out of anticipation as the older man, his hands on either of Jasper's cheeks – spread him open.

"Oh!" Jasper cried, instantly forgetting his determination not to sound like a wanton slut.

Internally, Jasper praised every god there was or had been that Carlisle obviously knew exactly what he was doing. He couldn't quite string enough words together to express his opinion verbally. The sounds that came out were whines and whimpers as Carlisle teased the sensitive area inside of him.

Jasper's entire body jerked when Carlisle varied his pace, alternately flicking and stroking with his tongue. He put his hands at the back of the younger man's knees, silently directing him forward.

Carlisle definitely knew what Jasper needed. On his knees, his head still on the pillow as he whimpered and moaned shamelessly, Jasper could get his hands where he wanted them most – his achingly hard cock. But even as he reached for his own length,Carlisle batted his hands away, never faltering from his task. Jasper was helpless to do anything but grab onto the pillow for dear life as Carlisle, proving himself to be an impressive multi-tasker, used his mouth on the younger man's entrance and his hands on Jasper's cock and balls.

Carlisle was right. It was a level of intensity that Jasper could handle – though only barely. When he came, he came hard, his body bucking wildly.

Slumping breathlessly forward, Jasper buried his head in the pillow, his body trembling for entirely different reasons than it had earlier that evening. Patient as ever,Carlisle merely laid beside him, stroking his hair and his back while Jasper caught his breath.

"Holy fuck," Jasper rasped, finally able to lift his head again. He looked at Carlisle, his eyes hooded.

For his part,Carlisle just smiled back, looking more than a little pleased with himself.


	33. Mess With The Bull

**A/N: *snickers***

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><p>"You have the patience of a saint."<p>

Carlisle snorted, he laughed so hard. They were both clothed again, sitting on the couch enjoying the last bit of dinner and beer. "Not exactly. You've met my son." He chuckled. "I love him more than I could ever explain but he gets under my skin in a matter of minutes. I don't feel much like a saint around him."

Jasper was quiet at he finished the remains of his beer. Carlisle tilted his head. "That's the second time you've gotten so quiet when I mention Emmett," he noted, his voice lacking any sort of accusation. "Does it bother you? That I have a son. Or is it that it reminds you my age?"

"It doesn't bother me," Jasper said quickly. Too quickly. "Well, no it really doesn't bother me."

"Tell the truth," Carlisle said lightly, pointing at him.

"It doesn't matter," Jasper said with a chuff. He put the beer bottle down on the table, rolling it guiltily "It's just...I always lumped you in with the adults. Before."

"And you're a child?" Carlisle asked, amused. "You didn't call Chris Hansen, did you?"

"That's not what I meant!" Jasper protested.

Carlisle leaned closer, his eyes mischievous. "You want me to play daddy?" His voice was almost dangerous, and Jasper was too startled to move. Before Jasper could snap out of it, Carlisle hand wrapped his fingers around his wrist. He yanked Jasper forward, surprise giving him the upper hand in strength. Before Jasper could blink he found himself staring at the ground, ass up over Carlisle's lap.

"Carlisle, what..."

"You want me to play daddy, little boy?" he asked, his voice skirting the edge of playful and dark. He brought his hand down sharply on Jasper's ass, making the younger man yelp more out of surprise than pain.

"Holy mother of fuck," Jasper swore under his breath.

Carlisle brought his hand down once, twice, three times and Jasper groaned. "Kiss your mother with that mouth?" he asked, spanking him a few more times.

"Jesus," Jasper murmured, stunned at the sensations coursing through him. Why was this making him all hot and bothered? "I didn't mean it," he said breathlessly under another little flurry of smacks. He reached backward, trying to block Carlisle's hand instinctively, but the older man pinned it to the small of his back, teasing him with another sharp smack to each cheek. "Let me up. Let me up!" Jasper demanded.

Instantly, Carlisle let him go. Jasper stood, straddling the other man quickly and all but attacking his lips. Carlisle moaned his surprise into Jasper's mouth, kissing him back with a hunger.

Jasper pressed his body into Carlisle's, pinning him back on the couch as he moved over him. Groaning again, Carlisle's hands moved down to Jasper's ass, his fingers digging into the jean-covered flesh, kneading. They both gasped as their mouths came apart.

Carlisle's eyes were murky with lust as he looked at Jasper then. "Daddy issue?" he asked.

"Baby," Jasper said breathlessly, "you are way too," he kissed him, "fucking," he kissed him again, "outrageously sexy to be my daddy."

Carlisle smirked, moving his hands in slow circles over Jasper's ass. "Glad we could see eye to eye," he murmured before claiming Jasper's lips again.

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><p><strong>AN: Now I want you all to sit in the corner and think about what you've done...**


	34. Charming Similarities

**A/N: So, I wrote the previous chapter kind of hoping you guys would get skivvied out... but alas, most of you were like... YES PLEASE. **

**Jeebus.**

**This chapter is dedicated to mycrookedsmile  
><strong>

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><p>"So... let's compare cocks. Edward's is about yay long and this wide," Bella said, gesturing with her hands.<p>

The phone tumbled out of Jasper's grip. "What?" he sputtered. "Bella, ewww. I didn't need to know that."

"I just wanted to see if I could get you to look up from your phone." She laughed. Then a curious expression crossed her face. "But, really. Curiosity begs the question. They are brothers, after all."

"Bella," Jasper groaned, slumping down in his seat.

"You know what I keep thinking?" Jasper asked his friend as they walked to their cars a few minutes later.

"You wish Carlisle was more centrally located?" Bella guessed.

Jasper snickered. "Besides that."

"What do you keep thinking?"

"All of this... being with a man. It feels very right," Jasper said slowly. "But being with women never felt wrong."

Bella tilted her head at him. "Life isn't black and white. There are no rules to this game, you know that, right? Just because you like kissing boys doesn't mean you can't ever kiss a girl again."

Nudging a rock with his foot, Jasper refused to look up.

"Jasper, I don't think you're confused about what you want. It's just a lot to get used to. Give yourself a little time." She grinned at him wickedly. "You're like a caterpillar turning into a pretty, pretty butterfly. You just have to acquaint yourself with your wings."

As Jasper rolled his eyes, Bella looped her arm through his, laying her head on his chest. "Hey, Jasper? Can I be your fag hag?"

"Keep at it, Bella. My revenge will be swift and sweet..."

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><p><strong>AN: So, I don't know how many updates today. I know where I want to end the day but I didn't plan today as well as I planned the other days. Lol. Seat of my pants. I tell ya...**


	35. Necessary Evil

**A/N: I love when you love Bella because that means you love me. **

**I love you, too. **

**Even though you're all big Carlisle pervs.**

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><p>It was early in the week after a third weekend with Carlisle and Jasper was frowning at his phone.<p>

"What are you pouting about?"

Jasper looked up, guilty because he'd been scrolling through his old text messages rather than paying attention to his friends. "I wasn't pouting," he denied, slipping his phone back in his pocket.

"You were," Bella said, backing up Edward's claim.

He looked between the two of them, resisting the urge to squirm. He cleared his throat, self consciously. "I'm not pouting. I was just...concerned, that's all."

"About?" Edward prompted.

"Well, I was texting with Carlisle and he stopped responding..."

"Oh," Edward said, scooping his daughter into his arms and holding her like she was a talisman against things he didn't want to talk about. "He's probably busy doctoring."

Rolling her eyes, Bella took Jasper's hand. "Come on. Let's take a walk. I need to talk to you anyway."

"Be afraid," Edward warned. "Be very afraid. Those words never bode well for the males in the house. She's a hellion."

Bella sighed, shaking her head. "Cullen, you're lucky my love for you is unconditional and irrevocable."

Edward grinned lopsidedly, kissing her softly. "I know," he said seriously.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Jasper asked when they were outside.

Bella screwed her lips up, shoving her hands deep in her pockets. "You're very different about Carlisle lately," she said quietly."

Jasper hunched his shoulders. "It's obvious, isn't it?"

"It is," Bella nodded. "You're smitten."

"Come out with it, Bella. You always have an opinion on who I'm interested in."

She sighed. "I don't know what to tell you. You know I think Carlisle is great. I'm here for you, but he's actually been down the road you're on. I just didn't expect you would want to take it further than that." She looked at him, her lips quirking up in a sad smile. "You're so ridiculously cute about all of this, and about him, but what I always told you before is still true - you still need to think about compatibility."

Jasper was quiet and a little irritated. He knew Bella was only concerned for him, but he didn't want to hear it.

Then again, how many times had they had similar conversations only for him to discover, six to eighteen months later, that she was absolutely right, and he wasn't compatible with the person he was with?

"You think I'm not compatible with him?"

"I think your lives are in two very different places. You've always wanted a family of your own, Carlisle is happy with just Emmett. Music is a passion for you, Carlisle listens to NPR. He likes art museums and lectures, you like concerts and history." She reached for his hand, threading their fingers. "But, I don't know, Jasper. I've never seen you two together. I mean, have you talked to him about it?"

"No," Jasper mumbled. "I mean, I don't want to mess things up, because I like what we have now. I'm just..." he shrugged. "I don't like hooking up. I never have. I want something more."

"From him?"

"I don't know. But maybe I want to find out."


	36. Pacing

Jasper found himself restlessly walking the halls of his apartment with nervous energy as he turned everything over and over in his head.

It bothered him that Bella knew Carlisle so much better than he did. But they hadn't really had time to talk about much more than past sexual experiences, jobs, and how hilarious Edward's queasiness about them was.

He growled to himself, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

Every relationship he'd had before had been almost effortless. He met a girl, they had a good time, and he wanted to spend more time with her so he did. Ambivalent, Bella had called it once. He was present but not invested.

All of this doubting, questioning, and nervousness surrounding Carlisle was more of an investment than he could ever remember making and they hadn't even dated yet.

And, if Jasper was being honest with himself, he had to admit that some of his reluctance to have that talk with the older man was the additional complication a real relationship would bring.

One by one, Jasper tried to picture how each of his friends would react if ... _when _he came out of the closet.

His parents wouldn't take it well - that was a foregone conclusion. He had no idea if they would pull the dramatics that were the made for TV movie's bread and butter. Disowning him seemed counterproductive as 'punishment' since he was already a self-sufficient adult.

Jasper threw himself down in his computer chair, picking up his Xoom. He distracted himself for hours looking over all the apps, until he fell into bed too exhausted to think.

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><p><strong>AN: Two more updates today.**


	37. Dun Dun Dun

Jasper was having trouble containing his enthusiasm as he walked up to Bella and Edward's door. It was Friday again and because Carlisle and Emmett were visiting, Jasper was hopeful that he could actually get the older man into his bed for a change. The idea put a smile on his face as he rapped on the door.

When Bella let him in, Jasper's good mood shriveled, and he became instantaneously wary.

There was something about the look on her face. Actually, there was a heaviness in the air that felt like real weight on his shoulders. Bella's expression was concerned, though she was trying to hide it. Edward's smile when he greeted his friend was tight. And Carlisle...

He wasn't looking Jasper in the eye.

Jasper stood in the living room, his body tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Finally, Carlisle took a step toward him, touching his arm briefly. "Can we talk? Alone?"

Before Jasper could answer, Emmett strolled into the room, throwing himself down in the arm chair. "Hey Dad. You think I could be on America's Got Talent or something? I mean, if we're gonna be moving down to California anyway, I should figure out how to get on TV." He sat up and flexed. "All the ladies of America have been missing out this for too long," he said

Emmett looked around, fully expecting laughter. He frowned when all the adults looked so apprehensive. "Jeez," he grumbled, crossing his arms and slumping down again. "Whose dog died?"

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><p><strong>AN: Hokay so *sets down a poppet shaped like Kris* here's this, if you need to burn me in effigy. *backs away slowly***


	38. Every New Beginning

**A/N: Nooooo I didn't do this because I hate writing Carlisle smut. I'd never do that. Heh. Remember - this is based on a true story. Inspired by.**

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><p>Jasper escaped the little dinner party and went home. It took less than an hour before there was a knock on the door. This time, he knew full well who had come after him.<p>

"I didn't know until a few hours ago," Carlisle said the second Jasper got the door open.

The younger man said nothing, only stepped to the side to let the Carlisle in.

"I know it's sudden. But I can't be that far away from my son," Carlisle added, his body tense as he stood a few paces away.

Jasper crossed his arms tightly. "Can't you get a judge to say she can't take him out of the state?" he asked before he could help it. He knew he was overstepping his boundaries, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

"I could never do that to Esme. This is a huge opportunity for her. It's not exactly difficult for me to get a job," he said quietly. "It's only logical."

Again, Jasper said nothing. He wanted to argue, but he knew he had no ground to stand on.

With a sigh, Carlisle took a step toward him. When Jasper didn't move, he took another step, and then reached forward to push the hair out of the younger man's eyes tenderly. "Please look at me," he requested, cupping Jasper's cheek.

It took some effort but Jasper forced himself to calm. He looked up, seeing the earnest regret in Carlisle's eyes and unclenched his jaw. "It's not a big deal," he lied, forcing a half-hearted smile.

Carlisle searched his face, looking like he wanted to say something. In the end, though, there was nothing to say. Both men cared for each other, trusted each other... had shared their bodies with each other. But their relationship outside the bedroom was non-existent.

Rather than speak, Carlisle began to trace the features of Jasper's face, running the pads of his fingers over the line of the younger man's chin and over his lips. Jasper let his eyes close as he put his hands first to Carlisle's waist, then wrapped himself closer, crushing the space between them.

As Carlisle's thumbs stroked his face, brushing against where their lips moved together, Jasper clutched at the fabric of the older man's shirt. His actions were part desperation because some small side of him felt that Carlisle would take the feeling of contentment he'd found - the feeling that he was himself for the first time in his life - away to California with him. Jasper needed to feel the other man's skin against his almost more than he needed his next breath.

If Carlisle thought it was strange - Jasper suddenly being the aggressor - he didn't show it. As Jasper walked him backward, the older man never stopped kissing him. These kisses were not so sweet, but slightly frantic, as if Carlisle was packing all the slow, easy kisses he could have given into what little time they had.

Jasper pushed him lightly down on the couch, straddling him quickly. Between hard, needy kisses, they managed to get their shirts off.

As Jasper caught his breath, Carlisle traced each of the tattoos on his shoulders with his fingertips. He leaned in, pressing kisses and light nips along the skin of Jasper's upper arms.

Feeling Carlisle's arousal making itself known beneath him, Jasper began to move his body, sliding over the other man's cock. Carlisle moaned, his teeth biting down lightly on Jasper's shoulder.

For minutes there was only the sound of kissing lips, light moans and gasps, and the rustle of their clothes as they moved together - Carlisle thrusting his hips up to meet Jasper's rhythm.

When Carlisle reached for the button of his pants, Jasper blocked his hands. Looking him in the eyes as he moved, Jasper slid off the other man's lap to kneel on the floor.

Jasper didn't know how to communicate what he was feeling in words. His heart was heavy, though he knew it wasn't breaking. He didn't want Carlisle to leave. But more than that, he was profoundly grateful. Despite his easy going attitude, Jasper's journey had so far been the most confusing, slightly frightening weeks of his life. How could he ever thank the other man for being exactly what he'd needed? He'd never once lost patience or looked after himself first.

So Jasper did his best to let his actions speak for him. As he helped Carlisle out of his pants and took his length in his mouth, every action carried a tenderness. His fingers caressed Carlisle's sides as he took him in deeper. He tried to show his appreciation - for the other man's actions and his body - with his finger tips, his mouth...the way he rested his head lightly on the inside of Carlisle's thigh.

That night, neither man could keep their hands off each other. They didn't talk - no more than a few words here and there. Eventually, they found themselves in Jasper's room, in his bed, too exhausted and spent to do much more than hold each other.

"I am sorry, you know," Carlisle murmured in the stillness of the night. He smiled sadly, running his fingers through Jasper's hair and tucking a strand behind his ear. "What we might have become..."

Only when he was sure the other man was sleeping did Jasper turn away from his face. Carlisle's arm was still draped around his waist, and he seemed to tighten his grip in his sleep as Jasper shifted.

Staring out his curtain-less window into the darkness, Jasper finally acknowledged the emotion that was a weight on his chest and stone in his throat. Twin tears fell from the corners of his eyes, but rather than wipe them away, Jasper threaded his fingers with Carlisle's and let sleep take him.


	39. Now What

**A/N: Impressively few death threats! So … onto the next leg of our journey.**

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><p>Bella sighed when she came in the door and found her daughter resting listlessly on her babysitter's chest. Normally, the little girl was rambunctious, but when she was with Jasper she tended to pick up on his moping mood. To make him feel better - according to her - she would wrap her arms around his neck, cuddling with him.<p>

As heartwarming as the image was, it was the third time in a week she'd come home to just this sight. Pulling her daughter into her arms as Jasper sat up, Bella sat beside him. "I'm having trouble knowing what to say," she admitted. "I didn't really expect you to miss him this much. I didn't think you were in love with him."

"Not in love," Jasper admitted, having had plenty of time to think about that word. "And I do miss him, but it's not just the Carlisle thing," he said with a sigh. "It's everything. This is going to sound stupid but when Carlisle was around, everything was an ... adventure, I guess. I didn't have a lot of time to think because everything was new." He crossed his arms. "Now I don't even know where to start. I don't know how to... be gay."

"What does that mean?"

Jasper chuffed. "I don't know. I mean, I go out with my other friends and they're doing the same thing they've always done - talking about girls... you know," he looked at her sheepishly, rolling his eyes. "I don't know how to act with them anymore... because right now, I don't want to talk about girls.

"And what is this gaydar thing? How do I activate it? Because I don't know. I look around and there's no magic marker telling who might be receptive to my charms and who might punch me in the face," he grumbled, running his hands nervously through his hair.

"Um, incidentally, I don't think anyone has that radar, judging by the number of people who have hit on me who I have absolutely no interest in," Bella said, laughing lightly. Switching her daughter to her other arm, she rubbed his back. "Well, I don't know how to be gay either. So, genius," she wrapped her knuckle lightly against his head. "You do have a friend who is gay and knows how to be gay... so to speak." She smiled, laying her head on his shoulder. "Though, for the record, I think you'll do fine just being you."


	40. Some Kind of Advice

Following Bella's advice, Jasper grudgingly invited Eric over the next day. It was one thing to vent to his gal friend about what worried him, but he was simply not used to speaking to guys that way. But Bella told him to put on his big boy panties.

Though it was awkward at first, Jasper gradually felt more comfortable when Eric didn't inform him his vagina was showing. He began talking animatedly. Carlisle's name came up.

A lot.

Eric accused him of being smitten. "That was a rookie mistake on your part. Everyone falls for their cock mentor."

Jasper blinked at the other man. "Their _what_?"

"Their cock mentor," Eric said flatly, as if Jasper was very slow. "He who mentors you in the way of the cock. Listen…it's natural to put him on a pedestal. He was your first. He opened up a whole world for you, am I right?"

"Yeah... but it wasn't only that," Jasper said with a sigh, leaning his head against the back of the couch and missing Carlisle desperately for a moment. "It was him. I don't think anyone else could have done what he did for me."

Eric whistled sympathetically**.** "Puppy love is a bitch. Baby, you need to get thee to a bar. Indulge in a little strange ass, only … wear a condom this time. Jesus, you dirty boy."

"That's really not my style, Eric. I didn't like going to bars to pick up girls, why would I like picking up guys like that?"

"Honey, in my experience, when you truly accept that you like cock, I mean without reservation, fear or shame..." he shook his head, chuckling. "You're like a kid in a candy store. Suddenly everything looks delicious because you weren't allowed to touch it or taste it before or even think about it before."

He readjusted himself on the couch, pulling his knees up so he was facing Jasper. "I'm not saying you should start shoving candy in your mouth as fast as you can. In fact, you most definitely should be particular. Some of those boys..." he whistled. "Let's just say that cleanliness is not a priority." He shuddered.

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><p><strong>AN: So, yet again, someone threw down a gauntlet. Jadedandboring made up the term cock mentor and dared me to use it. You really expect me to back down from a dare? *huffs***


	41. Sweaty, Manly Men

**A/N: I forgot to thank you. Your reviews are amazing. And they're over 1k…which is also amazing. You know what that makes you?**

**Wonderful. Lovely. Ossim.**

**And amazing.**

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><p>Jasper couldn't agree with Eric's suggestion. Or at least, he couldn't agree with the method.<p>

It wasn't as if he was adverse to casual sex. It wasn't something he would be happy with forever, but it had rejuvenated his self esteem on more than one occasion.

He still didn't know how to go about finding a partner. Just thinking of the dates he'd had before Carlisle made him wary.

Because he was sure that moping wasn't going to help anything, Jasper found another way to channel his frustration and uncertainty.

Luckily for him, it was a relatively mild day and there were plenty of pick up games going on in the park that day. There, Jasper felt comfortable - razzing the other guys on the court and working up a good sweat.

Until Paul showed up.

Paul who had never been shy about what he wanted - and apparently had no qualms about letting everyone know exactly what Jasper wanted.

The other guys didn't take Paul that seriously, thinking it was just over-aggressive razzing, but Jasper's temper was flaring. He wasn't even remotely ready to let his closest friends know he was gay, let alone random men at the park.

Before he could put his fist in Paul's obnoxious face, Jasper managed to walk away from the court. He heard fast footfalls coming after him and growled, quickening his pace.

"Hey!"

Jasper skidded to a halt, confused because the voice was not the one he expected. He turned, finding a man he thought was named Garrett. Trying to calm his irritation, Jasper looked at him questioningly. "Yeah?"

The other man was silent as he came to a stop a few feet away.

It took Jasper a minute to understand what was happening as Garrett looked down at Jasper's toes raking slowly up, up, up, all the while grinning appreciatively.

He was being eye fucked.

The shock of that fact jarred Jasper out of his fury, and he looked at Garrett with a new appreciation, allowing himself to see things he recognized now that he'd pushed away before.

Garrett was an attractive man. A very attractive man.

With wavy, soft brown, sweat-damped hair.

And muscular arms.

And green, green eyes.

Jasper's lips quirked and then raised at one corner.

They were alone in the parking lot, away from the prying eyes that made Jasper nervous. Garrett was giving him that look - all lust and intrigue.

Woman or man, Jasper knew how to play that game. He knew how to flirt and how to be charming.

Remembering Bella's words, to just be himself, Jasper felt a surge of self-confidence that had been sorely lacking in the couple of weeks it had been since Carlisle left. "You're Garrett, right?"

Garrett grinned. "Garrett I am. Garrett Larson," he added, offering his hand.

Jasper took his hand, squeezing tight and running his thumb over Garrett's knuckles. It wasn't so different from when he'd been a college boy - learning that flirting with girls took a little bravado. He let his grin spread, using that dirty trick Carlisle had taught him of looking up from under his eyelashes. "Jasper Whitlock."

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><p><strong>AN: There are either one or two more chapters today.**

**Also – I'm pretty sure that Nicoconsd is a happy girl right now.**


	42. How Jasper Got His Groove Back

Garrett was exactly what Jasper needed at that point.

Where Jasper did not feel comfortable with Eric's friends, Garrett's friends were a different story.

It was easier to explore the gay community as part of a group, especially as Garrett kept his arm around Jasper's shoulders, keeping the more aggressive men away. It was a relief, being able to talk freely, and though the others teased him for being fresh meat, they were also all sympathetic.

They all had their stories. Parents who'd blown a gasket, friends who'd turned their backs, paranoid coworkers... many of the things that rattled around Jasper's head when he thought about the day he would finally - better or worse - be exactly who he was.

But for every horror story, there were more hopeful ones. The acceptance they'd found... the silencing of the inner turmoil that made them feel just a few shades off normality.

"Love," Alec said, staring into the eyes of his boyfriend, Benjamin. "I thought I would never find love or be loved."

"And honestly," Garrett said, running his finger along the back of Jasper's neck, making the blond man shiver, "the only people that are worth it are the ones who understand that who you are has nothing to do with where you stick your cock. Not even your parents." He ran his thumb over the blond man's lips. "It's not easy, stud. But it'll be okay."

It was amazing how much Jasper had needed to hear those words.

And beyond that...

The sex was phenomenal.

Garrett was adventurous, making a game out of things like how many ways he could touch and tease Jasper in public places without anyone catching on. More than once, Jasper found himself pushed up against a door or a wall, or the nearest surface with Garrett's lips wrapped around his cock.

"Jesus, Gar, you're going to kill us," Jasper groaned one evening. He was trying to drive them to his place but it was difficult. Garrett was leaning across the seat, his lips voraciously attacking Jasper's neck.

Garret snickered against his skin. "You smell good. It's not my fault," he growled.

"Fuck!" Jasper hissed as the other man's hand snaked from his thigh to his crotch, rubbing him hard over his jeans.

"Jasper," Garrett rasped in his ear. "I want you to fuck me." He nibbled lightly on the blond man's earlobe. "Hard."

It was lucky for both of them that they were right around the corner. Jasper pulled into the garage and got out, getting around to the other side of the car so fast, he might have been moving at super human speed. He grabbed Garrett by the arm, pulling him out of the car and pushing him up against the metal door.

"You," Jasper rumbled against Garrett's lips, "are such a fucking brat."

Minutes later, Jasper had pushed the other man over the hood of the car, yanking his pants down roughly. "You're lucky I have a condom in my pocket," Jasper growled.

The other man snorted. "Babe, believe me. If you weren't prepared, I am."

With Garrett egging him on, a little spit later and Jasper was learning all about the marvelous world of topping.

"Jesus. Fuck. Christ," Jasper cried with a groan. "You're so fucking good," he said, nipping Garrett's neck. "So tight. Fuck."

But as good as it was, being himself inside and outside the bedroom, there were many times when Jasper's heart panged, aching for a more intimate connection.

Garrett was a good friend and a passionate lover, but Jasper knew that was all they would ever be. It was okay for the time being, but he longed for a deeper bond, or at least the possibility of one.

Though they'd never had a chance to become more, Carlisle had become the standard Jasper held other men to.

So Jasper was not at all surprise when Garrett shook him awake one night.

"Who's Carlisle?" Garrett mumbled sleepily.

"What?"

"You said his name in your sleep all sighing," the brunette man said with a yawn. "Ya know, if some fucker is going to come around here looking to kick my ass, that's something I'd appreciate knowing ahead of time."

Jasper rolled over, facing away from Garrett. "Well, don't worry about that."

"Ooooh, I see," Garret mumbled. Jasper was about to ask him what exactly he saw when the bed shifted. When Garrett pulled lightly on his shoulder, Jasper laid back, watching with curiosity as the other man straddled him. "He's your cock mentor, isn't he?"

Jasper blinked, a somewhat irritated expression crossing his face. "Are there meetings or mandatory classes no one told me about? Where do you people get this shit?"

Even in the semi-darkness, Jasper could see Garrett was grinning wickedly. The brown haired man leaned over, his fingers feeling around the nightstand for the condoms. "Only one thing can be done," Garrett said with mock gravity. He straightened back up, sliding down Jasper's legs so he could grab hold of his length. "You gotta fuck that man right out of your system."

"Is that a fact?" Jasper smirked, his hands on the other man's ass as Garrett stroked him, sliding the condom on with skilled fingers.

"I'm afraid it is the only way," Garrett nodded, leaning down to kiss the blond man. They made out for minutes before Garrett lifted himself. "You're lucky you're so hot, and I'm so nice."

"Oh, yeah," Jasper panted as Garrett slid down on him. "Nice. Definitely very, very nice.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: See you tomorrow, ladies. And I use that term very loosely.**


	43. People are People

Jasper's foot was tapping with nervous energy against the hardwood floor of his kitchen. The persistent beat was driving him further into irritation, but he couldn't seem to stop.

In most ways, Jasper was ready for this chapter of his life to be over. Over the last weeks and months, he'd forced himself to examine so many instincts he'd been pushing away all his life. He'd pushed himself and put his body in the hands of people who'd walked the road before him. Carlisle had let him explore and awaken a physical side of himself from whatever dormant state it had been in. Garrett had rekindled his natural confidence in himself, and had brought him into a wider community of people who could understand his journey.

He was certain of who he was and what he wanted. He had a wonderful support system.

It was time to start living his life, without shame or apologies.

But that was easier said than done.

"It's not like you have to throw some coming out party," Bella had said when he brought up his nervousness a few days before.

Edward gave a little laugh. "Just go on Facebook. 'What's on your mind?' Cock. Lots and lots of cock."

"Subtle," Jasper said, grimacing at his friend. He picked up a magazine on their coffee table, frowning as he pointed the woman on the front. "See, I still think this chick is hot. Am I even allowed to say, 'Hey, I'm gay,' if I think she's hot?"

"I don't understand why there has to be a difference," Bella said, her expression thoughtful. "Look - you're comfortable with the idea that you like boys, right?"

Jasper nodded.

"Then that's all that's changed. Your options have been widened, and right now, you're more interested in dicks," she said bluntly. "Besides, you'd have to be blind to not acknowledge that women are gorgeous. Our bodies, our shapes... I mean, no offense, but breasts are so much more aesthetically pleasing than your dangly bits." She tapped her finger against her lips. "Sometimes I wish I'd met a girl I could have had a night with before I met you," she said, looking at Edward.

His eyebrows arced and he put a possessive arm around her shoulders. "You mean you might have ended up with a girl?"

Her expression became soft. "No. I only could have ended up with you."

Thinking back on the conversation, Jasper had come to the conclusion that he should simply act naturally. No more second guessing his words around friends and colleagues. He would just speak his mind and let them draw their own conclusions or ask, if they were so bold.

Jasper stared down at his cell phone, re-reading the text message he'd been staring at for nearly half an hour now.

**Alice: Hey, babe. Haven't heard from you in a while. Let's get together?  
><strong>  
>Every day was the first day of the rest of your life. Pushing his nerves away, he texted back.<p>

_**Yeah, of course. Dinner?**_

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><p><strong>AN: Don't ask me how many chapters today because I don't know. I think this story might be done by Tuesdayish. Who knows. Y'all act like I'm the writer or something. **


	44. You Can Never Be Jello

**A/N: Relax, would you? I said this this is a slash story. Unless Alice grows man parts, she's not going to end up with Jasper.**

**Heh...though I once had Alec turn into Alice. *cackles***

* * *

><p>Alice was a lot like Jasper. She couldn't do the fuck buddy relationship for long periods of time. That was one of many reasons why they'd stopped seeing each other. That they were compatible in bed couldn't be denied, but ultimately, they wanted something more.<p>

At the time, neither of them had been ready for another relationship and so they had parted ways.

"You're definitely going to hear from me again," Alice had said as she kissed him goodbye. "I've got this funny feeling that you were meant to be in my life somehow."

At the time, Jasper had allowed himself to imagine that in some version of the future, maybe they could be together. When they had both put their heads on straight.

A lot had changed.

"Hey, Jazz," Alice greeted, wrapping her arms around him and standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

He hugged her tightly, breathing in her girl scent and remembering how it felt to be inside of her, to have her soft girl parts against his skin.

The thought did not arouse him as it once might have.

He imagined it was like traveling to France and having the most decedent, finest chocolate masterpiece created by the most celebrated baker. After tasting that, how could anyone enjoy a Hershey's Chocolate kiss?

Jasper closed his eyes, squeezing Alice tighter and letting her go.

She deserved to be somebody's decedent desert.

"So," Alice said as they sat down. "How are things? Are you seeing anyone?"

"Not technically," Jasper said. "I've been seeing a nice guy name Garrett, but it's not serious."

Alice's eyes went wide and then darted to his. Jasper resisted the urge to squirm as she blinked sporadically.

Then, she gave a little laugh. "Maybe you want to start at the beginning of this story, Chief."


	45. One Small Step for Man

Once Jasper had explained everything, Alice became one of his biggest cheerleaders. With the distraction of sex out of the way, they found they were great as friends.

"I told you, you're meant to be in my life," she shrugged. "There's more to enjoy of you than your cock." She rolled her eyes slightly. "Although...it really is such a pretty cock."

He shook his head. "You have such a filthy mouth."

"Besides," Alice continued with a laugh. "Do you know how long I've wanted a gay guyfriend? They make the best shopping buddies. Not as catty as girls, you know. Most of the time."

"I still don't have a fashion sense," Jasper said, amused.

She gave him a look. "Oh, honey, please. Honestly, I should have seen this coming." She tapped on his chest. "You have an unusually diverse collection of vests and hats."

"I like hats," Jasper muttered.

"Exactly."

He sighed and she giggled at his fluster. "Anyway," he said, listlessly drawing a pattern on the arm of the couch with his fingertip. "I kissed Garrett today."

"You often kiss Garrett," she pointed out.

"Yeah, well... today I did it in front of the guys on the basketball court."

Instantly, she threaded her fingers through his. "How did that go?"

He grinned at her. "After they sputtered a little bit? They told us to stop making out and get our heads in the game."

She laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you, you know?"

Jasper snorted lightly. "Yeah, well..."

"What is it?" she asked when he didn't elaborate.

"I don't know how to put it, really," he murmured. "I think about the future a lot - if what I always thought I wanted has changed, I mean... more than the obvious."

"And?"

"I still want all the things I used to dream about. I want kids, a dog in the yard...and someone to grow old with. But you know, when I thought about... you know, if things with Carlisle had worked out, what would I have brought to that relationship?"

Alice tilted here head. "You lost me, hon."

"I mean, I live paycheck to paycheck, he had enough money to buy his house outright. My hobbies involve video games, his hobbies involve community service. And that's not even getting into how crappy it would have been to be in a relationship with me while I had one foot in the closet," Jasper said, frowning.

"You've been hanging around your friend Edward too much, you know that?"

Jasper chuffed. "That's what Bella said too, but she also made a big deal about not letting Edward spend his considerable amount of money on her. Back then I told her she was ridiculous - Edward loved her and that's that. But now... everything she used to say about how both partners should bring equal amounts to the relationship makes a lot of sense to me."

"So...what does that all mean?"

"It means... if one day, I want to have the man of my dreams..." He rolled his eyes at Alice's smirk. "Then I'd better work on being worthy of the relationship I want." He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly antsy. "Among other things, that means being all the way out. And _that_means...talking to my parents."

Alice said nothing, only wrapping herself around him. Jasper accepted the comfort, holding her like she was an Alice sized teddy bear. "You know what though, babe?"

"Hmm?"

She raised her head to grin at him wickedly. "You would have made a great trophy husband."

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><p><strong>AN: Okay. Last update for today, apparently. I was trying to get through two more but insomnia + brother...yeah, anyway. **


	46. Family Ties

Jasper groaned into his hands, leaning on his elbows on the table. Bella and Alice were on either side of him, rubbing his back. "I don't know what to say. How do I even start this conversation?"

"Just do it quick - like ripping off a bandage," Bella said. "Once it's out, you can't put it back in."

"On," Jasper mumbled.

"What?"

"You can't put the bandage back on. Not in," he said, his voice flat.

"That's not what I meant, you ass," Bella huffed, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. "They were two different thoughts. Blurt it out quick and then it's done. Better or worse, you won't be able to make them un-hear it."

Alice held his hand. "It'll be okay. Maybe not right this minute, but it will all work out."

He managed a weak smile. "I'll hold you to that." His lips fell quickly as nausea made him want to groan. "Okay," he said, taking slow, steady breaths. He'd never been so glad that he lived far away from his parents. "I'm going to do this," he said firmly, picking up his cell phone.

~0~

Fifteen minutes later, Jasper hit the disconnect, unable to hear anymore from his parents' side of the line. He threw the phone down on the table, the loud clatter grating on his nerves. His hands were shaking as he made fists and pushed them hard against his eyes, willing away that tears that burned.

"Jasper..." Bella said. Alice ran her fingers through his hair.

"I'm fine," he barked, his voice raw.

In his head, he felt that he should have been fine. While he'd hoped for the best, he had fully expected his parents to react exactly the way they did. And part of him understood that it was all instinct. They'd never understood this, and had never expected they would have to face it. Their personal beliefs were that sexuality was a choice and homosexuality was a sin. He'd known that going in.

The boy he'd been once - desperate to please his parents - was alive and well. While his current, adult self understood that his parents were human - and as humans, would sometimes fail miserably as they were doing then - that little boy felt that he'd been very bad. Wrong. His parents' words of fervent disapproval had stung worse than any beating and he felt sorry... so very sorry.

And that pissed him off.

With no one to aim it at, his fury was impotent, only adding to his frustration.

The girls coaxed him to the living room, sitting on the couch with him between them. They held him tightly and wiped his tears away when they finally fell. Gradually, it was easier to deal with his parents' ignorant, malicious words, knowing that he was surrounded by the family of amazing people he'd built rather than been born into.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Poor Jasper. We are trusting Kris. Kris has a plan.**

**Five updates, I think, today. I hope. And looks like we're pushing out till at least Wednesday because I couldn't get through what I wanted to yesterday. Poop. I shall keep you advised.**


	47. Fuck Em, Fuck Him

"Fuck 'em," Garrett said later that evening. When he'd stepped in the door, he shooed the girls away, promising he would take care of Jasper. Jasper's repeated insistence that he wanted to be left alone went ignored. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the sentiment, but in some ways, it made it worse that he was so out of control of his emotions around them.

It made him grit his teeth.

"Seriously, Jasper. Fuck. Them," Garrett repeated, setting down a shot glass full of whiskey in front of the blond man.

Jasper took the shot and tilted it back, welcoming the burn in is throat.

Garrett poured him another. "All that's going to happen is they're going to take a little time to wrap their heads around the fact their little boy likes boys, and then they're going to build a fucking bridge."

Jasper downed the second shot and then a third. "And if they don't?" he asked, his voice harsh and angry - a cover for the absolute terror of losing his parents that existed like a stone in his heart.

Garrett's only immediate response was to pour a fourth shot, handing it to Jasper as he wrapped an arm around the blond man's shoulders.

As Jasper contemplated the last shot of amber liquid, Garrett began to kiss his neck, his hands making quick work of the buttons of the other man's shirt. "Then they're hypocrites," Garrett finally answered, scraping his teeth along the edge of Jasper's jaw. He walked his fingers down Jasper's chest and abs before he cupped the blond man through his pants. "Your dad's just jealous because he knows boys like me give better head than your mother ever could."

In spite of himself, Jasper laughed - the sound choked both because he wasn't in the mood and because... well, that was an image he didn't need in his head. "That's disgusting," he muttered, raising his hips slightly to meet Garrett's hand.

There was too much pent up emotion roiling beneath the skin of his too-tense body. While Jasper longed to give himself over to the pleasure Garrett was trying to bring him, he needed to purge himself of everything else - stop his world from spinning on its axis so he could get his feet firm on the ground again.

Tilting back the last shot quickly, Jasper stood, grabbing Garrett by the arm and pulling him up. His lips were aggressive against the brunette's, his hand going to the back of Garrett's head and holding him close. With his eyes closed, Jasper tried to concentrate on the physical: the way Garrett tasted with the smooth bite of whiskey on his tongue, the increasing need for pressure as Garrett again reached between his legs. But everything else was weighing heavily on his shoulders, squeezing his heart and lungs painfully to the point he felt he couldn't breathe.

With a growl that was all frustration and rage, Jasper spun Garrett around. He knew he was being too rough, as he pressed the other man against the wall, but he also knew that Garrett didn't mind rough.

In fact, Garrett only egged him on, crying 'harder!' when Jasper bit down lightly on his shoulder blade. He teased that Jasper was going to slow, groaning when the blond man slapped his bare ass hard and told him to shut the fuck up.

And he certainly didn't seem to mind the way Jasper fucked him hard, pinning his hands to the wall above his head.

After he came, Jasper rested his forehead against the other man's back, sliding out of him slowly. Garrett turned, pulling the blond man tight against him even as they both caught their breaths. "Better?" he asked quietly.

"Much," Jasper admitted, feeling calmer. "Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I want to take this time to wave to the girls over at the Perv Pack Smut Shack. They reviewed Non-Nuclear, my Jasper/Peter baby story (non MPreg, ew), today and... just wow. Thank you for making my Monday morning go from suck to ossim.**


	48. Gamer

"I can't play this," Jasper said, throwing down the control.

Alice looked perplexed. "What? There's a game you can't figure out?"

They were at her house, and Alice had dragged out a beat up X-Box to entertain him. Jasper had initially been excited - somehow, he'd missed the whole craze over the Star Wars game Knights of the Old Republic and it was one of the few games Alice owned - but fifteen minutes into game play, he was done. "Of course I can figure it out. It's just the graphics. They're driving me nuts."

His friend blinked at him. "The graphics..." She snorted. "Come on. Are you going to tell me you didn't play Mario?"

"We didn't know any better when Mario came out. But I have been to the land of crisp, clean graphics." Jasper sighed melodramatically. "I'm afraid there's no coming back. Unless there's a nostalgia factor because I'm pretty sure I would play original Mario again in a heartbeat."

After she was done laughing at him, Alice looked him over, her expression contemplative. "What?" he finally asked.

"It's just - I feel like I've had this conversation before. In fact, I'm almost positive I have," she murmured, tapping her chin with one finger. Then her eyes widened as she snapped. "I have! I remember now. It's been bugging me for weeks," she said with a laugh.

"Alice, what are you on about?"

She looked up at him, a slow, mischievous grin spreading across her lips. "It's nothing," she said dismissively, though he didn't believe her for a second. "You just remind me of another friend of mine, that's all."

Alice changed the subject then and with all her rambling about the show she'd started watching, Jasper soon forgot the conversation ever happened.

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><p><strong>AN: Truefax, roomie did make that argument. I didn't stop laughing for five minutes. Persnickety gaming snot.**


	49. What a Coincidence

A week or so later, Alice invited him to be her plus one at a dinner party.

"Are you sure, Ali? I mean, I don't want to beaver dam you just by being there."

Alice snickered. "I'll be fine," she promised. "Besides. It's work. I don't want to date any of my coworkers, believe me."

She arrived at his house an hour earlier than she was supposed to and immediately started to boss him around. Grabbing his wrist, she led him straight to the bathroom where she shoved his head under a faucet, washing all the product out of it. Then she started rifling through his closet.

"Alice, are you trying to drive me crazy?"

"This is my shindig, Jasper. You're going to look pretty on my arm tonight. Oooooh, this vest. Definitely this vest."

"I thought you said I had a great fashion sense!"

"You do," Alice soothed. "But you're not as good as I am."

Jasper just shook his head, falling backward on the bed and waiting.

An hour later they were finally in front of the restaurant, and Jasper had to admit...he looked fantastic.

"Jeez, maybe we should go out after this," Jasper laughed, staring at his reflection before he opened the door to the restaurant. "I'd fuck me..."

Alice rolled her eyes hard. "Okay, stud. Let's get through this and we'll see if you're still interested in going out afterward."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, but Alice had found her coworkers.

Jasper dutifully shook hands, smiling as Alice introduced him around the table. "Last but not least," she said as she got to the last couple, "this is Charlotte. She's in my department. And this is her friend, Peter."

Releasing Charlotte's hand, Jasper took the proffered hand of her date. His breath caught as a jolt went straight down his spine. Startled, Jasper looked up.

Blue-green eyes. Like a piece of jade had mixed with a piece of aquamarine. "H-Hi," he stuttered on a breath.

"Hey," Peter said, looking equally startled.

Beside Jasper, Alice laughed as she sat down. "Incidentally, Jasper... Peter can't stand old school graphics either. Isn't that fascinating?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks to jfka06 for emergency beta services.**

**I meant to update more than I did. Sigh. Life, right? I'll see you tomorrow.**


	50. That Wasn't So Hard Now Was It

Throughout the meal, the conversation ebbed and flowed. Often, Jasper found himself in a dialog with Peter. They had similar tastes - in movies and music anyway.

Jasper would be lying if he didn't admit he was intrigued. Very intrigued.

When dinner eventually broke up into dancing and drinking, Jasper excused himself, claiming a need for some air. Before he left the table though, he caught Peter's eyes, holding his gaze intently for a handful of moments before he turned, heading toward the front doors.

Again, Jasper's calm was more smoke and mirrors than actual confidence. It was different, though, because his nervousness didn't stem from lack of experience within his own gender.

He'd never asked anyone on a date. Ever. His relationships with women had kind of just ... evolved without the dating stage.

Yet, if Peter were to follow him outside, Jasper was fairly sure he was going to at least attempt to ask him out.

Why did he feel like a nervous kid in Junior High, suddenly aware that kissing didn't cause cooties?

His mind was overwrought with questions. How was this supposed to go down? Was he misreading Peter's interest? What if he said no? What if he said yes?

The doors open and Peter stepped out. If anything, the rambling thoughts shooting like spastic Pong balls around the inside of his head got louder.

"Nice night," Peter said nonchalantly, staring up at the stars with his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

Jasper hummed his agreement. He twisted his neck, looking over his shoulder in an attempt to loosen the sudden tension of his body, and then he burst out laughing.

"What?" Peter asked, bemused and a little startled.

"It's just... I think we've been set up," Jasper said with a chuckle, carefully staring back forward. "Look over your shoulder. But be subtle about it."

Peter played along, rubbing his neck and craning his head innocently as if he was just restless. Seeing what Jasper had seen a minute before, Peter laughed, shaking his head. Still seated at the dinner table, Alice and Charlotte were watching them intently, their heads bent close together. "That explains why Charlotte insisted I wear my contacts tonight."

"That's a shame. I like glasses," Jasper said before he could think about his words. His eyes widened slightly when he realized what he'd said. But, since it was too late to take it back, he figured he might as well go for broke. "Although, with eyes like yours... I don't know, maybe showing them off isn't such a bad idea." He could feel Peter's eyes on him but didn't turn to look at the man. "Alice made me wash the gel out of my hair," he offered instead.

There was a few breaths of silence before Jasper heard a rustle. He looked over in time to see Peter raise his hand and a moment later, the other man's fingers were brushing lightly through his hair. Peter watched the course of his fingers and Jasper watched Peter. Finally, the other man flashed him a simpering grin, dropping his hand to his side. "Good choice," Peter said quietly.

The boys successfully procured each others numbers. When they turned to head back inside, they both rolled their eyes at their dates. Alice and Charlotte were doing high-five victory dances in their seats.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I have no idea how many updates today. We'll see, we'll see. **

**Hey you. Yeah, you. I love you. Thanks for reading and leaving me kind words. **


	51. What a Boy Wants

**A/N: You should all know that I love bmango lots and lots. She makes my mornings and late late nights wonderful.**

* * *

><p>Jasper made the mistake of asking his gal friends for advice. The result was Bella and Alice arguing over what was better. Alice was talking romantic dinners while Bella argued that they should be more casual for a first date.<p>

Sitting on the couch with his daughter in his arms, Edward shook his head. "Sometimes, I can see why you chose guys. Women are crazy," he said to Jasper in a whisper. He kissed the side of his daughter's hair. "I'm afraid you're doomed, baby."

"I heard that," Bella said, frowning at Edward as she sat next to him. "You're not going to leave me for a man, are you?"

Edward chuckled, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. "I'll leave that to my brother," he said, kissing her. "Besides, I like crazy."

"Oh, good. I was beginning to think Jasper had a strange effect on Cullen men," Bella said, twining their fingers and kissing him.

"Ewww!" The baby commented, covering her eyes with chubby hands.

Jasper just laughed as Alice came to sit on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder with a sigh. "I want that," she said lightly, watching unabashedly as their friends, lost in their own little world for a moment, stared at each other adoringly.

"Yeah," Jasper agreed, thinking on how nice it would be to find someone to share not just his bed but his life. He'd long been envious of what Edward and Bella had, never quite understanding why he couldn't capture it in his own relationships.

He thought about Peter and the giddy little rush that made his stomach flutter and his lips turn upward of their own volition.

Maybe, just maybe, it was his turn.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hookay, so I figured it out. Two more updates today and we'll see what Jasper decides to do on a date hehe. And don't expect smut. You dirty h00rs you.** **Jeez. Spend a day out of the gutter why dontcha.**

**Besides...don't you know TOMORROW is hump day?  
><strong>


	52. The Date Pt 1

**A/N: Dentists agree, reading these next two chapters might give you tooth decay. Idk what's wrong with me. I write angst and drama g'dammit.**

* * *

><p>Jasper had never been good with fancy, romantic dinners or things like that. It seemed a little overdone for a first date.<p>

Instead, Jasper opted to take Peter to an arcade. Alice asked if he was twelve, but he ignored her. He would be a nervous, squirming wreck if he had to sit at dinner. Gaming, in one form or another, was his comfort zone, and Peter obviously liked games.

It was a good idea. Both men were naturally competitive creatures and fell into good natured sassing as they worked their way through fighting games, shooters, co-op mission based games and nearly everything else in between.

"Okay, noted. We both suck at skeeball," Jasper said after they'd attempted the ticket games and failed miserably.

"Oh, I don't know. We have enough to get something," Peter said, tugging Jasper's arm to lead him in the direction of the ticket booth.

Jasper chuffed. "We have like 12 tickets. Maybe."

Peter's eyes lit up as he spotted something. He waved the ticket taker over and pointed to the item he wanted. Jasper raised an eyebrow as Peter gleefully stuck the pointer finger of his left hand into one half a Chinese Finger Trap.

"I destroyed the heck out of so many of these as a kid," Jasper mused.

"Well," Peter said with a grin. "Be careful with this one." He pointed at Jasper with the ridiculous little device

Jasper blinked, a warmth radiating at the center of his chest as he realized what Peter wanted. Carefully, he wiggled the pointer finger of his right hand into the cuff so the pads of their fingers touched.

"Come on," Jasper said softly, tugging lightly and feeling the trap tighten around his finger. He knew he was grinning like an idiot but he couldn't bring himself to care. "Let's try Dance, Dance Revolution."

"Good idea," Peter said, falling into step beside him, their fingers still connected. "Then we can at least tell the girls we went dancing."


	53. The Date Pt 2

When they finally emerged from the arcade, wandering out into the mall in search of food, they'd only taken two steps before Peter wound their fingers together. Jasper's smile was soft as he realized it didn't feel uncomfortable, not by a long shot.

In fact, he remembered that his girlfriends would, on occasion, take his hand as they walked. It hadn't really bothered him, but he'd felt a flicker of annoyance, as if they were being a little too clingy. Before, it had been something he merely tolerated. With Peter, Jasper found himself resisting the urge to strut.

They talked over a food court dinner until the traffic at the mall thinned out to nothingness and the stores began to close. Not ready to call it a night, they moved on to a coffee shop, bending close together over the steam of their drinks. Peter teased Jasper for hating coffee and getting a chai tea latte instead. Jasper responded by flicking his overabundance of whipped cream at the other man, doing his best to hide his delight at Peter's incredibly alluring chuckle.

It was the very small hours of the morning before they finally walked, hand in hand, to their cars.

Rather then let him go right away, Jasper tugged on Peter's hand until they were face to face. All the normal pleasantries were on the tip of his tongue - that he'd had a good time, that he wanted to go out again if Peter was amenable - but his words died when he looked at the other man.

In the dim parking lot light, Peter's features were mostly shadowed. He was a handsome man, as Jasper had observed more than once throughout that night. But even in the semi-darkness, Peter's eyes seemed to beckon him. There was a glimmer of nerves, the reflection of what Jasper was feeling as his heart beat out a galloping cadence, but mostly there was want.

Peter wanted Jasper to kiss him, of that the blond man was almost positive.

And he damn sure wanted to kiss Peter.

Resting his free hand lightly on Peter's waist, Jasper leaned forward, tilting his head down as the other man tilted his head up. Their lips brushed only slightly, their eyes still open and searching each other. Then Jasper moved his hand to the small of Peter's back, and he closed his eyes, taking Peter's upper lip between his. Peter's hands came up to his chest as their lips moved together, tasting, exploring with absolutely no want or need to rush. It was the pleasant sizzle of dinner simmering on the back burner, the smell filling the air and permeating the senses - promising a savory meal to come if he could be patient.

And as Jasper reluctantly released Peter's lips, he realized he could be patient. He would be patient. Because this wasn't about the fear and thrill of a brand new experience. It wasn't about stroking his ego and releasing tension.

This was about the possibility of something more. What, Jasper couldn't be sure yet, but he wasn't going to rush it, letting physical pleasure overwrite the bigger picture.

With a small sigh, Jasper kissed Peter again chastely. Then he stepped away, smiling so wide his face felt in danger of cracking. "Call me?" he asked, not even trying to hide the eagerness in his tone.

Peter, his face flushed, grinned. "Obviously."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: That's all she wrote... for now. **

**PS: I hate coffee. Deal with it.**

**PPS: See you tomorrow.**

**PPSS: For the love of Pete, you Carlisle girls... Carlisle is riding some poor bastard into the sunset in California. He's fine. And omfg that made my stomach hurt to type... Are ya happy? Lol. I love you. Truly, I do.**


	54. Carlisle Bonus Chap

**Here is Carlisle's HEA, brought to you with permission from thepinktabby who amuses me to no end. Thanks, babe. Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>Imagine Carlisle and a young studly Surfer God who looks oddly very close to Jasper... ohh... Drying salt water on sun kissed skin. A discarded medical journal face down in the sand, its pages wrinkled by its careless owner.<p>

The young surfer at the threshold of manhood. His lanky form filling out with maturity and muscles, it hints of the beautiful man he will be.

Carlisle's bleach blond hair, nearly white from the sun, contrasting against the skin of his young lover who has him pressed down in to the warm sand by his ardent passion. Lips bruised and thoroughly ravaged continued impassioned kisses, until a subtle clearing of a throat.

They've been caught.

They could care less.


	55. The Games We Play

"Are you sure you're okay with this? You should play," Jasper argued as Peter settled down on the couch next to him.

"I like watching you play," Peter said simply.

"It cannot possibly be that interesting."

Peter smirked. "Well, it is. You stick your tongue out when you're really in the game. And you get this V right here," he said, poking Jasper in the space between his eyebrows. He laughed lightly when Jasper's brows furrowed around his finger.

The blond man chuffed, trying to concentrate on the Halo game that was about to start. He was already distracted because Peter was wearing his glasses.

Peter knew damn well how sexy his glasses made him.

Just as Jasper was finally getting into his game, Peter slipped his arm around him. That was fine until he then began to kiss Jasper's neck. He kissed him slow, breathing against circular patches of skin until the heat made the blond man squirm in his seat. "Peter..." Jasper sighed, but he tilted his head to the side as the other man grazed his teeth along the skin of his neck.

It took no time at all before Jasper tossed his controller aside, turning in his seat so he could pull Peter's face to his. He kissed the brown haired man breathlessly, ignoring the whines of his teammates emanating from the speakers.

"Jesus, Peter," he muttered, pressing the other man into the couch cushions. "I told you to play if you were going to get bored."

Peter's grin was triumphant. "I was playing," he said smugly, holding up his phone as proof.

Curious, Jasper took the phone and read the text conversation Peter was having with someone going by the handle HollaAtchaBoi. Peter, it seemed, was part of Operation Distract.

It occurred to Jasper then that one of the players on the other team indeed went by the name of HollaAtchaBoi.

"You," Jasper growled, but then he laughed. "Well, I'm too damn proud at you to be mad." He leaned forward, kissing Peter slowly with little pecks along every inch of his lips. He cupped Peter's face, stroking his thumbs along the other man's full, parted lips. "Next time, you play for my team."

Peter reached up, wrapping his fingers around Jasper's wrists, the blond man's hands still resting on his face. He smiled. "Yes, sir."

"Good," Jasper nodded. "Glad we got that settled." He pressed his mouth again to Peter's, this time sweeping his tongue along the brunette's lower lip. Peter sighed contentedly, his hands locking behind Jasper's neck as their kiss deepened.

Soon enough, they'd both forgotten they were playing any game at all.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Mmmm gay gamer boy kisses.**


	56. Sweet and Sour

One afternoon, a few weeks after they met, Peter surprised Jasper by stopping by his office to take him out to lunch. The couple shared a chaste kiss in front of the building, not noticing until it was too late that they had an audience consisting of the office's biggest gossip - Jessica - and one of the more conservatively inclined members of middle management - John.

Jasper managed to hide a grimace. He wasn't hiding his sexuality at all anymore, but the subject just hadn't come up at work to that point. He didn't mind that Jessica knew, even if it meant that the whole office would know soon enough. That much was inevitable and he was as prepared as he was ever going to be.

He was, however, automatically on the defensive around John. Jasper had never liked John. They were friendly enough in passing, but he'd had to grit his teeth more than once when John was going off about politics or worse - religion. The man's mouth snapped closed, his eyes narrowing in judgment. Not that he cared what the man thought, but John wasn't above being a rude prick, and Jasper preferred not to subject Peter to that.

"Who's your friend, Jasper?" Jessica called cheerily, all but bouncing.

Smiling genuinely, Jasper wrapped his arm around Peter's waist. "This... is my boyfriend."

A few minutes later, Jasper and Peter were sitting down to eat. "What's wrong?" Jasper asked, seeing the pensive look on the other man's face.

"Well, you called me your boyfriend," he began, his voice uncharacteristically shy. "I was just wondering... I mean, we haven't talked about it. Did you mean it? Or was it to piss off that judgmental asshole who was glaring at us?"

Jasper scratched the back of his head, only then realizing how presumptuous he'd been. Suddenly nervous himself, he put his hand palm up on the table. To his relief, Peter automatically twined their fingers. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to presume. But yes...I meant it. I mean... if it's okay with you. If it's what you want."

A beautiful, giddy grin spread across Peter's face and he laughed, the sound bubbling up more like a giggle. He cleared his throat and fought to control his wide grin, putting on a serious, business like face. "I'm amenable to the idea," he said gravely.

Grinning at each other like morons, both men leaned across the table, sharing a quick but passionate kiss. They finished lunch one handed because they couldn't seem to let go of each other.

~0~

"You know you're going to Hell, don't you?" John greeted Jasper when he got back to his desk.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Jasper said, rolling his eyes. Not even John could damper his mood after the lunch he'd had. He looked the other man in the eye, letting his smile speak for him. "For this? Kissing boys doesn't break a single one of the ten Commandments. I know I broke at least half of those damn things before I ever had unholy relations with a man, so tell me something I don't know. If I'm going to Hell, I may as well do it thoroughly."

"I don't know if I feel comfortable having one of you here," the other man sneered.

Jasper leaned across his desk. "Not that this is any of your business, but I'm going to make this clear one time and one time only. Just because I am attracted to men doesn't mean I have bad taste. Believe me, you are not remotely desirable." He forced a smile, still holding the man's gaze until John finally turned, walking away quickly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah, unfortunately, John exists too. **


	57. Happy Hump Day

**A/N: Hmmm I believe I promised some humping.**

* * *

><p>"Hello, boyfriend!" Peter greeted him merrily when Jasper opened the door for him that evening.<p>

Jasper laughed lightly. "Well, hello there," he greeted, wrapping his arms around Peter's waist and pulling him inside.

Peter's kiss was voracious, and he walked Jasper backward until they crashed down onto the nearest couch. Jasper moaned into the other man's mouth as Peter straddled him, pressing their bodies together. "Jesus. You're in a good mood today."

"A pretty boy called me his boyfriend," Peter said, kissing him slowly. "That makes me a little hot."

"A little," Jasper agreed, feeling exactly how hot Peter was. Little had nothing to do with it.

Peter smirked, beginning to unbutton Jasper's shirt in between tiny, teasing kisses. "So, I'm curious. What exactly does boyfriend status buy me?"

Placing his hands on Peter's waist, Jasper licked his lips. "What did you have in mind?" The way Peter was looking at him - his eyes hungry, but with a tenderness that rocked Jasper into stillness - kindled something that had all the exhilaration of pure terror except it was bathed in lightness.

Peter grinned, cupping the blond man's face in his hands and stroking his cheeks. "I was thinking it might involve nudity."

Jasper groaned, the noise coming out as more of a whimper as Peter continued to grind against him. "I knew... I knew you only wanted me for my body," he teased even as his fingers dug harder into Peter's skin and his hips rose, seeking wonderful friction.

"Well, yeah," Peter murmured, dipping to kiss Jasper's neck as he pushed the shirt off his shoulders. He kissed a trail up the blond man's hairline, running his tongue along the shell of Jasper's ear. "I want you. I want to be inside you."

A whine strangled at the back of Jasper's throat. He was equal parts turned on and scared, remembering the first time he'd tried bottoming.

He'd wondered more than once what Peter's preferences were. Maybe that was the benefit of the whole sex first debate. Maybe it was a matter of figuring out compatibility before they became invested.

Well, now Jasper was invested. He was nervous if he couldn't be what Peter wanted, Peter would leave.

"Baby," Peter soothed, stroking his cheeks. "Look at me. Where did you go?"

"I'm sorry," Jasper muttered, pulling the other man close, resting his cheek against him.

"Jasper... I'm sorry. I thought you'd..." He trailed off, shaking his head and trying to get off Jasper's lap. The blond man only held him tighter.

"I have... I mean... " Jasper chuffed, trying to calm himself enough to make sense. That he suddenly felt ashamed of his little freak out months before was frustrating and irritating. He sighed, cupping Peter's cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Well, don't be," Peter said, pulling Jasper's face up. He smiled slowly. "We'll talk, okay? And we'll work through it." His grin became lascivious again. "But," he continued, beginning to kiss his way down Jasper's chest, "there are plenty of other things we can do that involve nudity."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What... you want more? Why? Are you girls being filthy again? *side eyes* Fine, but you're going to have to wait till next chapter. ;)**


	58. Come Get Some

**A/N: You can thank jfka06 for emergency beta.**

* * *

><p>"Actually, I don't have a preference," Peter said when they finally got around to talking. They were laying on Jasper's bed, side by side. "I'm more of a do what feels right in the heat of the moment type of guy. I like a gorgeous boy riding my cock, but sometimes it's just a good day to be pounded into the mattress," he said with a chuckle.<p>

He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "It's gotten me into trouble before, in relationships I mean. Today is a classic example. Sometimes I get carried away and opt for sex when we should be talking."

Turning his head, Peter traced the pad of his finger down Jasper's nose tenderly. "What I should have said, what I actually hope I don't have to say, is that I'm not just here for the physical stuff. It's nice to be able to express what I feel for you physically, but it kind of negates the point if you're uncomfortable. We all have limits."

Jasper closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. The nervous part of him that feared he would lose another potentially good thing before it could get started quieted. "I like that idea. The no rules thing. And it wasn't that I didn't like it. It was just... too much." He gave an uncomfortable shrug. Admitting his own vulnerability wouldn't ever be an easy feat. "I don't know, though - maybe it was just that everything was so new." He rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. "I mean I was a fucking spaz at the time."

Peter grinned, getting on his hands and knees so he could hoover over Jasper. "There's one way to find out. If you want."

Running his hands up and down Peter's chest, admiring the subtly defined lines of his body, Jasper looked up into the other man's eyes. "Yeah. I want," he said, his voice only a little unsure.

~0~

It was only after Peter had teased and titillated nearly every inch of Jasper's body with his teeth, tongue and fingers that he stood. He went to the foot of the bed, wrapping his fingers around Jasper's ankles and pulling the blond man to him.

Their eyes never strayed from each other as Peter moved Jasper into the position he wanted. Pushing Jasper's knees back so they were bent wide, his ass resting on the edge of the mattress, Peter reached for the bottle of lube that had been resting on one side of the bed. He used his finger, teasing the the sensitive flesh around and just inside Jasper's entrance.

"You like that, baby?"

Jasper was already squirming, panting lightly. "Yes. Fuck."

Peter slid his slicked finger in more. "And now?"

"More," Jasper begged.

Peter bent slightly, kissing the inside of the blond man's knee as he slid two fingers inside of him. Jasper lifted one leg, running the back of his foot along Peter's back to press on his ass.

Then, Peter leaned back, and Jasper swallowed hard, holding back a protest at the loss of his fingers. But he saw Peter was rolling on a condom and stilled, just watching. Jasper didn't realize he was holding his breath until the other man reached out, caressing his cheek.

He took Jasper's right hand in his left, squeezing tightly as he trailed his fingers down the blond man's chest and abs with a feather's touch. Jasper shuddered at the sensation.

"You're so sexy. I could look at you all fucking day," Peter rumbled.

Jasper merely watched him, his lips parted, but his words stuck on his tongue as Peter reached between them, guiding his cock to the blond man's entrance.

As he began to push into him, Jasper wrapped both of his legs around Peter's body, squeezing his hands tightly. Again there was that slight ache, his muscles stretching to accept Peter into his body, but that ache was sweet.

And Jesus God.

The pleasure, as Peter moved in him, was tremendous. He was aware he was speaking but had no idea what words were coming out. His thoughts were completely nonsensical, wrapped up in riding a wave that never crested, only built.

He whimpered because the intensity felt like would shatter his body. Logically, he knew it was impossible - and it was the utter antithesis of painful - but his body was entirely out of his control. His breathing was erratic, his heart pumping too fast.

"Jasper," Peter said with a moan. "Baby, look at me."

Jasper hadn't even realized his eyes were closed. With some effort, he opened them, finding the aquamarine stones of Peter's eyes hovering near him as Peter leaned over and into him.

The look in Peter's eyes was the same emotion that Jasper always felt when he was near the other man - giddy elation and something...just...more.

It was what he needed to put walls on the overwhelming pleasure. Instead of recoiling from it, holding Peter's hand probably too tightly, Jasper let it take him.

"You gonna come for me, baby?" Peter asked, his voice breathy as used his free hand to pump Jasper's cock to the rhythm he'd set.

Jasper had no idea if he answered affirmatively because the next moment, his every thought was seared white with unimaginable bliss.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Good night, my lovlies. You are so good to me. Tomorrow... I fear...is our last day together. **


	59. Cute Boys are Cute

"Check it out! _Kung Pow: Enter the Fist_is on the Netflix instant queue. Babe!" Peter exclaimed, tugging on his arm excitedly. "Have you seen this movie? It's the funniest thing ever."

Jasper and Peter were spending a lazy Friday night just enjoying each other's company. Seeing as it was his house, Jasper had graciously allowed Peter use of the controller as they scrolled through potential movies to watch. "I haven't seen that in ages."

"Well, that settles it then," Peter said decisively, starting up the movie and laying with his head on cradled on the other man's lap.

As the movie began, Jasper found his thoughts wandering. He'd actually tried to get several of his girlfriends to watch this movie. They either resisted or would get bored fifteen minutes in. Peter, though, was invested, quoting along and cackling from almost the first line.

Jasper ran his hands through the other man's hair, marveling at how absolutely peaceful he felt. Rather than watch the movie, he watched Peter, loving the sound of his laughter and the way his nose would twitch when he did an imitation. Peter reached back, completely absently, grabbing Jasper's free hand and winding their fingers together.

It was amazing how well they worked together in such a small amount of time.

What was more, when Jasper looked at the other man he felt not only the heat that came with lust and attraction, but a more soothing, comforting warmth. He loved Friday nights like this and lethargic Saturday mornings when he could wake up to Peter's sleeping face. He loved intense gaming sessions - both of them barking out orders to each other, backing each other up - that ended in celebratory make out sessions. He loved pouring over the latest advances in technology and arguing over Mac products vs anything but Mac products.

"I love you," Jasper said out loud as the idea occurred him, resonating deep like a bell being struck.

Peter's eyes darted up to his, the movie abruptly forgotten. "What?"

Jasper stroked the other man's stubble-covered cheek with the backs of his knuckles, taking in all of Peter's fine features. He'd always thought that saying those three words - because he'd never said them to someone who wasn't his family - would be a little scary. But no. When it was true, it wasn't frightening at all. "I love you," he repeated.

Peter blinked at him, as if he wasn't quite sure he'd heard correctly, then he smiled, stretching his hand to wrap around Jasper's head. "I love you, too," he murmured, pulling Jasper down to him for a kiss. He laughed against the blond man's lips and they parted only for a moment, eyes alight and cheeks flushed with the pleasure of this new revelation.

Long after the end credits had rolled, they were still kissing, wrapped up in each others arms.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: 4-5 updates today, depending on if I give barburella the exact ending she wants.**


	60. Jasper Tested, Best Friend Approved

"See, this game actually looks like fun," Edward said after Peter showed him a preview for an upcoming Star Wars MMO. He stroked his chin, pondering. "I could be a Jedi."

"Use the Force!" his daughter exclaimed, yielding the mini lightsaber that Peter had brought. Jasper thought it was a brilliant move on his lover's part. Rooking the kid definitely went a long way toward winning over her mother.

Despite the fact Jasper had repeatedly assured him that he didn't give a rat's ass who disapproved of their relationship, best gal pal or not, after the blond man told him that Bella had never approved of any of his girlfriends - or the idea of a relationship with Carlisle for that matter - Peter had been determined to win her over.

When Bella excused herself to go get drink refills for everyone, Jasper followed.

"Well?" he asked.

"Well, what?" Bella asked, perplexed.

Jasper groaned. "Aren't you going to tell me we're incompatible in some way?"

"Jasper," Bella said with a laugh, "I just met the man half an hour ago."

"You had Maria pegged within ten minutes," he countered.

Bella snorted. "Yeah, well..." She grinned at her friend. "You want to know something I did notice? Suddenly, you aren't opposed to PDAs." She smiled sweetly. "When did that happen?"

Jasper was about to argue when, looking back, he realized he'd kissed Peter several times in the short period they'd been there. He furrowed his brow, trying to remember when he'd gotten that comfortable. He'd always been hyper-conscious of PDAs with his girlfriends, hating when they got clingy in public.

Bella laughed at his expression. "He's good for you, Jasper. Really good. I could have told you that before. I've never seen you this happy."

"I've never been this happy," Jasper murmured, smiling softly.

"I know I've been a pain in the ass, telling you things you didn't want to hear. But I knew you deserved this," she said patting his hand. She grinned wickedly. "Plus, now you can't make faces at Edward and me."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Sure I can. You two are disgusting. You're parents for Chrissakes. You're going to traumatize that poor little girl..."

"Whatever. You and your boyfriend are mega nerds," Bella shot back.

"We are! We were voted hottest nerd couple on Gay Gamers dot net."

Bella blinked at him and then burst out laughing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: By the by, I don't know what the baby's name is. cejsmom thinks her name is Olivia. I like that.**  
><strong><br>That website does exist and it has a post labeled - Bed, date or punch the person who posted before you - that amuses the ever loving hell out of me.**


	61. Carry On My Wayward Son

**A/N: This is largely un-beta'ed. FYI**

* * *

><p>They'd been together for the better part of a year and life was good. As Bella had observed, Peter was good for Jasper. He pushed him when he needed to pushed and supported his decisions to change parts of his life for the better. It was such a different relationship that Jasper had ever experienced - much deeper and more entrenched in sharing all aspects of his life than he had with any one person before.<p>

Life wasn't perfect, but it was good.

So very good.

Jasper was toying with the idea of asking Peter to move in permanently. It only made sense. With two incomes and one home they would actually be able to start saving.

Saving for a future together.

The idea made Jasper's head spin, but it wasn't unpleasant.

He was so deep in thought about the idea that he almost didn't notice the car parked on the street in front of his house. When he did notice it - and more importantly, the woman getting out of it - he stood completely still.

"Jasper..." his mother, her voice wavering.

Pretending that his heart wasn't trying to pound its way out of his chest, Jasper turned. "Mother," he said carefully.

The few times he'd tried to speak with his parents again had not gone well, so Jasper was both wary and angry as his mother approached him. When she wrapped her arms around him, he desperately wanted to hug her back but he couldn't. Not yet, anyway.

~0~

"I don't know if you can understand my mindset. I'm not a bigot, Jasper." She frowned, tapping her fingers against the table nervously as she sighed. "When I was in college, I had several gay friends. Not just acquaintances... really great friends. But it was the 70's, Jasper. It was around the time the AIDS epidemic was just beginning. I lost them. I lost every one of them."

She sighed. "I was... I _am _scared for you. On top of living through that time period... I mean, you do realize that poor boy who was dragged to death was just a few miles away from our house?"

"I know all that, Mom," Jasper spoke finally. "But this isn't going to change. I'm too far down this road to go back, and I don't want to deny who I am. If I'm denying that, I'm not exactly living anyway. Believe me, I should know. The difference between my life now and my life before all this... I'm not going back. And it's not the 70's anymore. The only person I've been with in a long time is Peter and that's not going to change. We're both clean and safe."

His mother squirmed, obviously uncomfortable. "I know. I know. You're a very smart boy, Jasper. I'm sorry it took me this long to come see you."

Jasper's features softened slightly. "I'm glad you did," he admitted. "And Dad?"

"Well..." His mother's expression was hard. "He doesn't understand. He thinks it's a choice - the _wrong _choice."

Jasper stared down at the table, anger mixing with an intense sadness. He breathed deep. "Well... that's his loss."

"I agree," his mother said with a sad smile.

Letting that go for the time being, Jasper stood and went to his mother, hugging her fiercely. Whatever trials lay ahead, he was glad that she'd finally caught up with him. "I missed you."

"My boy," she cried, holding him tightly. "I missed you, too."

Jasper heard a car pull into the driveway and smiled as he let his mother go. "Peter's here. You'll like him, Mom. I really think you'll like him."

His mother's smile was forced, but Jasper could see she was trying. "If you like him, I'm sure I will, too."

"Well, I love him," he said, making that fact unavoidably clear. "So here goes nothing."

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><p><strong>AN: I asked my mother once what she would do/say if I brought a girl home. An argument ensued after her answer pissed me off, and she told me that story.**

**Change of plan, kids. The final chapter and the epilogue will be out tomorrow as I've just been handed a rather startling piece of news from a friend and I don't want to cheat you out of a thought out ending when my mind is elsewhere. Thanks so much for all of your support. I love ya, and I'll see you tomorrow.**


	62. A Very Merry Birthday

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your well wishes for me and my friend. I was completely startled and saddened to hear that her brother has passed away, so if you would, send positive thoughts in the direction of New York City for Ali.**

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><p>Jasper came awake with a jerk just as something warm, slick and wonderful closed around his cock. He opened his eyes, sleep making his thoughts slow as he gripped the sheet around him in his fists. The light that filtered into the room from behind the curtains colored everything a shade of beige. He was not home.<p>

He remembered then that several days before, Peter had surprised him with tickets to Orlando. It was a vacation tailor made for them on the occasion of Jasper's 30th birthday. It was a wonderful surprise especially considering that Jasper had thought Peter wasn't paying attention when he'd gone on at length about Cyber Space Mountain - a roller coaster simulation ride that let you design and ride your own roller coaster.

Now Jasper was awakened in the suite Peter had reserved for them with his lover's lips wrapped around his cock and... sweet Jesus, Peter's perfect ass right in front of him like an invitation.

Moaning with pleasure at Peter's ministrations, Jasper smacked his ass once sharply, making the brown haired man give a little yelp that vibrated down his cock. Without stopping what he was doing, Peter followed Jasper's silent direction until he was on his hands and knees, straddling the blond man's chest.

It was one of their favorite games. Which one of them could make the other forget what he was doing first. They were both good at it. Natural competitiveness mixed with a fervent desire to bring one another pleasure made for a potent combination.

Peter already had a head start - it was such a dirty trick waking Jasper up with his cock already halfway down his throat - but Jasper knew all the right pressure points. Licking his thumb, he started by circling the underside of his lover's head, working his way around as he flicked his tongue against Peter's balls.

It had taken time and lots and lots of practice, but Jasper was good at what he did.

Then again, so was Peter.

Minutes later Peter's legs were shaking too badly and he fell onto his side. Jasper followed him, glad that he could take his lover's cock deeper into his mouth with this new position. He wrapped his arms around Peter's legs, drawing him closer.

Jasper idly hoped that the walls that separated them from the next room were thick enough because the noises they were making, though muffled naturally, were still quite loud.

But in the end, Peter's head start proved to be the deciding factor, and Jasper came first, hard, as the brown haired man licked and swallowed each drop. Moving quickly, Peter rearranged himself, climbing up Jasper's body until they were spooned together. He pushed Jasper's legs wide and then buried himself inside the blond man. Peter's lips were pressed hard against his lover's shoulder, creating a patch of super heated, wet skin in the shape of a perfect o.

It was only a minute or so before Peter was spent, his body bucking hard against Jasper and their hands gripped tightly together.

They rolled onto their backs, staring up at the ceiling with their hands still joined as they came down.

"Marry me," Peter said, his voice thready because he was still so breathless.

Jasper's initial answer was a strangled wheeze. His head whipped to the side but Peter was still staring straight up, the skin around his eyes tight at the corners. Jasper swallowed thickly. "What?"

Peter rolled his head to the side, his eyes nervous but reflecting the complete adoration and love he had for his blond haired lover. "Marry me," he repeated, his voice stronger now.

At first, Jasper had to give a little laugh because the moment was surreal. In his wildest dreams, he never could have imagined that in his last relationship, he would be the one proposed to. But then, from where he'd started this journey two years before, his life had been through so many twists and turns.

He already knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Peter. What did it matter which one of them asked to formalize it?

Rolling over, Jasper propped himself up on one arm, stroking Peter's check with his free hand. "Yeah," he whispered, his voice reverent as he looked Peter in the eye. "Yeah. I will."

He had exactly enough time to see the exultant smile cross Peter's features before the brown haired man pulled Jasper down on top of him. They kissed until they were breathless all over again, and then Jasper pulled Peter into his arms as he lay back.

"Asking me post coitus could be viewed as coercion," Jasper said, stroking his fingers up and down Peter's back.

Peter snorted, kissing his chin. "Just sweetening the pot," he said innocently. He kissed Jasper again. "Happy birthday, baby."

Jasper smiled, so content he thought he might die because life just couldn't get any better. "Happy is an understatement."

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks to Sweet Dulcinea for helping me figure out what lemon I should write. That was fun. Hehe.**

**So this is it folks. Just one more**


	63. Home At Last

_**~Four Years Later~**_

Peter opened the door to their house, and Jasper stepped inside, setting down the little boy he held in his arms. The boy looked up at them, quiet and uncertain. Jasper's heart twisted. Over the course of several visits, he'd learned the child could be quite a chatterbox, but since they'd picked him up that morning, his words had been mostly monosyllabic. When they asked him questions, he nodded or shook his head, not speaking any more than was necessary.

Squatting down to his level, Peter ruffled the boy's jet black hair. "You can look around. If you want, Ben."

Ben looked from them to the rest of the house, swaying on his feet a little. Armed with the Teddy bear that had been Jasper and Peter's gift from their second visit, the little boy began to explore the house, his usually rambunctious nature almost non-existent as he walked through the house without making a sound. The men followed him silently, letting him go where he wanted. They shared a quiet laugh when the baby got on the floor to peer under the coffee table, sticking his little butt in the air as he did.

The little boy stood in the middle of the living room, staring around and gulping like he was about to cry. But then he took a deep breath, looking to Jasper and Peter with big eyes, so much braver than any two year old should have to be. "Home?" he asked carefully.

They each knelt beside him, and Jasper reached out to to draw his fingers down Ben's chubby cheek. "Yeah, little man. This is your home now."

"The last time we visited you, we asked if you wanted to come live with us," Peter reminded gently. "Is that still true, Ben?"

The little boy nodded solemnly, squeezing the bear tighter. He looked up at Peter, putting things together in his head. "Daddy?" he asked quietly.

Jasper bit his lip, feeling tears sting his eyes. Peter was staring at the little boy with much the same expression, joy radiating from his form. But when he spoke, Peter's voice was gentle. "Yes," he confirmed.

Ben nodded as if this was acceptable to him and looked at Jasper. "Daddy?" he asked again.

It was intense - the utter happiness that hit Jasper in that second. He was very aware of his heart - thudding hard in his chest - growing too big to fit inside his ribcage. Surely there wasn't enough of him to contain this profound love he felt for the child, and for the man who was grinning wildly at him.

His family.

"Yeah, Ben," he finally whispered. "We're your daddies."

"Love me?" Ben asked.

"More than anything." Jasper said the words like a promise.

Ben studied him for a moment and then purposefully set his bear down. He stepped up to Jasper, wrapping his arms around his neck and clinging tightly.

Jasper and Peter stood, holding each other and their son between them. Peter kissed the top of the boy's head, looking at Jasper with teary eyes.

This was the beginning, Jasper realized, of another journey. When he looked back at the road he'd traveled - alone and with Peter by his side - he could see now that this was always his destination.

Once upon a time, this dream had looked very different. There was a time when he imagined finding a woman to share his life, watching their child grow in her belly, and pacing the hospital room, fetching ice chips, as she gave birth.

But now that he held his family in his arms - his adoring husband and the beautiful little boy they'd adopted - Jasper could see that this was what his happily ever after was supposed to look like.

**~End~**

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><p><strong>AN: Yeah…you can blame (or thank) barburella for that cheese. She asked for it…and what my baby wants, my baby gets. Mostly. (Because she was one of you strange people who wanted Carlisle to stick around)**

**Everlasting thanks goes to jadedandboring, barburella, jfka06 and bmango for their constant support and letting me scream when I needed to (aka when I realized Carlisle does indeed have a cock…shudder).**

**And thank you to all of you for letting me experiment with this format and making it all worth it. I'm sorry I suck at review replies for this fic. Know that each and every one of you are appreciated.**


	64. JasperCarlisle Outtake

**A/N: So RL Jasper has been hanging out with RL Carlisle and has been giving me plot bunnies.**

**Y'all remember how I feel about Carlisle and plot bunnies. **

**Torture. And not the sweet, sweet kind. **

**But jadedandboring begged. And I can't say no to her. *head desk* So obviously this falls in the Carlisle/Jasper period, long before Peter.**

**Thanks to JasperLuver48 for looking this over for me.**

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><p>"Wow. Your friends have a killer view."<p>

Carlisle had asked if Jasper would keep him company as he house-sat for a friend. As he stared out the huge bay windows at the Seattle shoreline, Jasper was glad he'd agreed. His hands were braced on the wood on either side of the windows as he leaned closer, careful not to smudge the glass.

He heard Carlisle's footsteps across the wood floor and smiled a few moments later when the other man's arms wrapped around his waist. A shiver went down his spine when he felt Carlisle's lips at his neck.

"Ah, fuck," he muttered when Carlisle's light kisses turned to little love nips. "Carlisle... we can't... not in your friend's house. It's weird."

"Mmm," Carlisle hummed, the sound vibrating against Jasper's skin. "What Eleazar doesn't know, won't hurt him." As he spoke, his hands slipped inside the younger man's jeans.

Jasper sucked in a breath, gripping the wood harder when Carlisle cupped him over his boxers. "Carlisle," he warned again.

The older man chuckled. "Be quiet," he rumbled against Jasper's ear. "Turn around."

Since he wasn't really looking at the ocean anymore anyway, Jasper turned. Instantly, Carlisle was there, his lips claiming Jasper's as his hands made short work of the button of his jeans. He broke the kiss, his green eyes sparking as he dropped to his knees.

"Jesus," Jasper hissed when his bare backside hit the cold window. He rested his hands on Carlisle's shoulders to steady himself. "What if there are people on the beach?"

Carlisle looked up at him, his lips turned up in a small smirk. "Then they're going to get a great view of your magnificent ass."

Jasper moaned, closing his eyes. He forgot about all of his reservations as Carlisle's lips closed around his cock.


End file.
